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Thread: Family member is a sex offender
04-30-2007, 02:41 PM #1
Family member is a sex offender
What would you do if you found out your new brother-in-law is a registered sex offender?
I just found out on Saturday that my sister-in-law "P"'s new husband is a convicted child molester.
I haven't really had a chance to process this information. But a former police officer recognized him during my mother-in-law's funeral Saturday and told my wife's other sister, "K", who he was. She was the one who passed that information on to my wife and I.
My sister-in-law (his wife, P) is 50 years old and until last June, still lived at home with her parents and never had a driver's license and never had a real job (well, by June she had a job and driver's license, but they were relatively recent acquisitions). I saw her at Thanksgiving and she gave no indication that she was dating anyone. She brought him over for an hour or so on Christmas, which was the first time I met him. They got engaged between Christmas and New Year's, and they moved in together shortly after that. They got married on St. Patrick's Day (after first telling us the wedding was going to be the day after St. Patrick's Day, so my wife and I missed the wedding). I met him again on Easter, and of course ran into him a few times over the last week, although we didn't have much of a chance to talk.
I don't have a whole lot of information at my fingertips, but according to the Indiana Sex Offender Registry, he was convicted in 1991 of child molestation, was sentenced to 40 years, four of which were suspended, but he was let out after 15 years (i.e., he was let out Feb. 2006). My biggest worry right now is whether or not his wife, P, knows. If it were most people, I would assume that they would have to know, but P is a bit strange.
Part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was 16 years ago when he was convicted. People do change. Another part of me is concerned because I know so little about him. I've really only met the man twice.
Last edited by corfy; 04-30-2007 at 11:03 PM. Reason: Clarified my two sisters-in-law with initials
04-30-2007, 03:16 PM #2
04-30-2007, 07:22 PM #3
Sounds like he hasn't been honest with her!!
Does your Sister in Law has any children he is going to be around of?
04-30-2007, 07:43 PM #4
If it was me I'd tell her.
By my reasoning people aren't sentenced to 40 years for just about anything. The fact that he got out quicker may simply mean he pleaded guilty, which IMHO is just as bad. I have never been molested but I hate pedophiles with a vengeance. I don't believe these "people" ever deserve to be loved by another.
I don't believe that something worthy of a 40 year sentence is something one can simply unlearn or forget about. I don't know how strict the law is in your state but in NY 40 years is something along the lines of a violent rape of a very young child.
Here's what I'd do:
-I would quietly go to the courthouse where he was sentenced and request his case file. Severe violations are public information so you should have access to his whole process. If he pleaded guilty then you know there's no doubt this man did what he did. There is also the possibility that he might've had sex with a 16 or 17 year old in which case I guess that's something that may be forgivable. Regardless, I would find out what it was he did.
-I would go to some cop friends and go make this guy's life a living hell. Simply make him leave. A few years ago a level III sex offender (raped a 6 year old boy) moved to my area so my friends and I downloaded his file from the justice dept. website, ran off 500 copies and pasted his photo and address on every corner within 20 blocks of his place of residence. He moved to Atlanta within a week of that. This isn't the way to go if you want to be discreet but you can always go to his supermarket and tell the clerks there. Tell his mailman. Tell his utility guy.
-I'd tell her after he's gone.
You're a smart guy, I'm sure once you see what his crime was you'll be able to decide if this man has in fact done his penance. My guess is this was a fair 40 year sentence for a serious crime that got reduced due to some budgetary or liberal reasons. This is probably not a person you want anyone you know to be hanging around.
Ultimately consider this: Will you let him babysit your kid? The answer to that question should also tell you what you need to do.
04-30-2007, 08:04 PM #5
04-30-2007, 11:00 PM #6
No, there are no children in the immediate family. My other sister-in-law "K" has a daughter, but she is 18 and she can take care of herself. (I'd like to see him try.. she would deck him.)
I already found that site, j7... that is where I got the information I have.
Charges: [35-42-4-3] CHILD MOLESTING
Sentence: 40 yrs. susp. 4, serve 15.5 yrs
Conviction Date: 02/01/1991
Offender Type: LIFETIME NOTIFICATION
End Reg. Date: 02/17/2099
Next Reg. Date: 06/22/2007
It is entirely possible that he has been completely honest and up-front with his wife "P", and that they just haven't been up front with the rest of the family. I haven't been able to talk to her about this. I don't know if K has talked to P about this or not.
I'd love to swing past the courthouse and look up that information myself, but I'm not usually in that county during courthouse hours.
05-01-2007, 12:15 AM #7
Hey Corfy sorry for you and your wife's loss, and then to have to find out this bad news as if you didn't have enough to worry about.
"Suddenly I heard a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. You heard me rapping, Right?"
05-01-2007, 05:20 AM #8
You must let your sister-in-law know, corfy, depsite how desperate she was to need a man as a companion. The decision of sticking with him or not is hers, but she has the right to know.
(I don't quite know how to phrase it due to severe fatigue but) Just break the news slowly to her, only the facts that you know for sure, as purely passing on information, not for the purpose of playing the devil's advocate trying to convince her to leave the man. No matter what happens, she would or should thank you for letting her know in the first place, or at this stage. (Or so I believe at least.)
"The idea was to be a symbol. editman could be anybody, that was the point."
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05-08-2007, 08:54 AM #9
Apparently, my sister-in-law, P, did know about his past but decided to not tell the rest of the family.
And some more information is coming out. P is his fifth wife. Considering that he is 50, and he has been in jail the last 15 years, that means he was married four times by the time he was 35. I also found out he was convicted of molesting his two step-daughters, 10 and 11 years old.
My father-in-law is tempted to write P out of his will over this, but my other sister-in-law, K, talked him out of it. She thinks that since he is in his fifth marriage, that this marriage won't last long, either. Personally, I don't think a divorce is likely to happen. I would think the previous four wives probably divorced him, and not the other way around, but unless she is physically hurt, I can't imagine P starting the divorce process. But then again, I couldn't imagine her marrying a child molester, either.
05-08-2007, 09:05 AM #10
That's a rough situation. The big question is has he rehabilitated? I remeber watching "The woodsman" starring Kevin Bacon. Extreme care must be taken too, cause if you "write" your brother-in-law off, you risk alienating your sister-in-law too.
Good Luck whatever you decide to do.You will give the people of earth an ideal to strive towards...they will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall, but in time they will join you in the sun. In time, you will help them accomplish wonders. - Man of Steel
05-08-2007, 05:49 PM #11
Well, your sister-in-law is taking a chance big time, corfy. Whether it's right or wrong is not up to me to decide. But her courage is admirable, even though she's not courageous enough to inform her family about his past.
Now the cat's out of the bag, if your sister-in-law is sensible enough, she should know how much odd it is against her marriage. Naturally anyone would think her husband has trouble written all over him with a track record like this. And if things do go wrong later on (hopefully not), she'll subject to lots of "told ya so". But it's only fair game.
One thing I don't get is what he sees in your sister-in-law, or to put it bluntly, what he thinks he'll benefit from marrying her? (Money? Sex? Someone easy to dominate/control/manipulate?) Am I missing some info here?
Let's hope sinners do repent and turn a new leaf before dying. But I suppose thanksgiving dinners may be a bit awkward from now on.
05-08-2007, 06:25 PM #12
To be bluntly honest, I don't know what he sees in her. She is 50 years old, never lived outside her parents house until last year, never had a job until last year (so she has no money), never had a driver's license until last year, she isn't physically attractive (I'm not going to say she is "ugly", but she doesn't really fit anyone's description of "attractive" that I have ever heard, unless someone is really attracted to Kathy Bates... picture attached). She is (usually) very closed minded and overly opinionated. And she has never had a boyfriend (even in high school). I would imagine he either sees someone he can control, or someone who isn't judging him about his past.
I would imagine that she sees companionship, having never lived alone before, she might have found it very lonely. And I doubt there are a bunch of men out there ready to line up at her door. And to be honest, he isn't bad looking. He seems rather unassuming and gentle. Appearances are deceiving, I guess.
05-14-2007, 10:04 AM #13
I had a chance to read his court documents yesterday.
He was arrested on 14 counts of child molestation, formally charged for 6, and pled guilty to four (the other two were dropped as part of a plea bargain). He was sentenced to four consecutive 10 year sentences due to the Class B Felony charges. Four of those years were suspended on the fourth charge, and he had credit for serving 115 days between his initial arrest and when he was convicted. Not sure exactly how he got out after only 15.5 years, but he is on four years probation and has to get permission from his parole officer to leave his home county.
Most of the 14 counts involved fondling up to four girls (daughters and step-daughters), all aged under 12 (or rather, all aged 12 and under at the time he was caught, no word on exactly how long this occurred before he was caught. (I'm going to spoil the next statement for those who don't want too much information.) Most of the 14 counts involved him fondling the girls' vaginas either outside of their clothing or inside their clothing. However, he forced one girl, who was no older than 10, to perform oral sex on him "multiple times", and he had another girl, no older than 11, take off her pants, and he took off his clothes, got on top of her, and rubbed his penis outside of her vagina.
I didn't talk to either this guy or his wife yesterday, but neither are welcome at my father-in-law's house right now, so I have a feeling it will be a while before I see them. Apparently, his new wife (my sister-in-law, P), is sticking by him and insists that he deserves a second chance.
But that is one of the problems with my wife and I being an hour and a half away when everyone else lives within minutes of each other, we are a tad out of the loop.
Last edited by corfy; 05-14-2007 at 10:05 AM. Reason: Added spoiler material
05-14-2007, 10:47 AM #14
He got out after 15.5 years because of several possible reasons:
1. Prison Overcrowding - got to let the ones that are in prisons out so we can make space for the newly sentenced even if their crimes are LESSER than the ones that are already in Prison: BS!!
2. He served 15.5 years out of 35 years and 245 days which is more than 1/3 of his sentence;
3. He was probably a MODEL prisoner in Prison and he earned early release points.
for any crime not considered Capital like Murder; an inmate can be paroled after serving only 1/3 or more of their sentence which is a bunch of legal BS to me!!
From my experience as a Police Officer; pedophiles will never be "cured" of their sickness and I can guarantee you this guy will be back in Prison for the same crime and if that happens, I feel sorry (not for your Sister in Law) but for whichever poor innocent girl(s) that will be his victim(s).
Would like like me to you know.... take him out for a Friendly drink?
05-14-2007, 10:50 AM #15
IMHO this guy has to go, it will be tough for your sister-in-law given her history but people leave partners for far less serious things than this.
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