John Cusack movies teach life’s lessons

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"All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten." Or so says the title of the book. It’s funny, all I ever remember of kindergarten was show-and-tell, making Christmas ornaments (which my mom has kept to this day) and naptime. God I miss naptime.

So I’m going to disagree with the author of the above book; I say all you ever needed to learn about life, you could learn from John Cusack movies.

That’s right, John Cusack movies: two hours of enjoyment, without the peer-pressure to eat glue.

"Say Anything"

Ah, the "coolest 1980s movie," or so says 5.7 percent of campus, according to The Exponent’s poll earlier this week. I happen to agree with those 5.7 percent. Who couldn’t … the scene where Cusack is holding the boom box over his head, playing Peter Gabriel’s "In Your Eyes" is by far the best scene of ‘80s cinema but that’s beside the point.

There are several lessons we can take from this movie. First, if all you do is study, you miss out on a lot of life. For this, and no other reason, I recommend this movie to anyone who has stayed in their dorm room or apartment all semester. Had Diane Court (played by Ione Skye), class valedictorian and book-addict, never gone to the graduation party, she’d have never gotten to know Lloyd Dobbler (Cusack), who ends up being the love of her life.

Another lesson we can take from this classic is that it’s OK to not know what to do with your life. Lloyd, in one of the best lines in the movie says "I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought or processed. Or repair anything sold, bought or processed. You know, as a career I don’t want to do that." Instead, his life’s purpose (at the end of the movie, anyway) is to love someone. That’s it.

It’s simple and honest; it may not contribute to the GDP but it’s admirable and noble.

"Grosse Point Blank"

Cusack plays a hit man, Martin Blank. Dan Akroyd plays a hit man, too. Martin Blank (remember, he gets paid money to kill people) is returning to his 10-year high school reunion. If the premise of this movie isn’t even slightly funny to you, you probably lack a central nervous system. But that has its own problems.

The lessons we can take from this movie include (but are not limited to): getting permission from a father to marry his daughter is much easier if you’ve just saved his life. "Blister in the Sun" is a good song. Being honest can be funny (imagine telling your friends from 10 years ago you’d kill them if someone paid you enough). And, as with all the other Cusack movies, love is good.

"Con Air"

God had Antarctica, the United States has Kansas and the Bee Gees had their careers. Everyone makes mistakes and Cusack is no exception. Take, for example, "Con Air." You know it’s not intended to be funny but you laugh anyway. Granted, Cusack plays his FBI agent character well, but the movie is hampered by the cheesy acting of Nicolas "Hair Plugs" Cage and John "I Should Be in Shakespeare" Malkovich. In short, this movie is more disgusting than Lake Erie swill.

Lessons learned? Don’t get on a plane with raving psychotics and convicts with severe emotional instability and violent tendencies. It’s just not safe (not that we didn’t know that from kindergarten).

"High Fidelity"

This is a veritable Rosetta Stone. Ladies, if you ever want to know how to figure out most guys, watch this movie (or better yet, read the book).

"High Fidelity" is a story about a record store owner (Cusack) on the outs with his ladyfriend. Top five lists and Jack Black hilarity ensues.

There is much to be learned from this gem. Beating Tim Robbins with a telephone and an air-conditioning unit looks like fun. Working with people who are passionate about their job makes working more fun. Those are sort of obvious things.

But it’s the deeper things that make this movie one of the top five movies of all time. The interaction between man and woman, the effect of heartbreak on a person’s persona, fear of commitment, setting goals in life — all these things — not to mention the top five songs to play at your funeral.

"High Fidelity," inarguably, is the pinnacle of Cusack’s career and is unequivocally the centerpiece of "Cusackian thought," much like "The Fountainhead" is for objectivism. If you haven’t seen any of the movies in this list, I suggest you start with this one; if for nothing else, Jack Black’s rendition of Marvin Gaye’s "Let’s Get It On."

My Random Thought of the Week

If you’re driving in your car, and you’re at a stoplight, look up and see if there are any signs above your lane. If you see an arrow pointing left with the word "only" underneath it, you’re in a turn lane. That means you turn.

This is especially true if you’re behind Wood Street Garage. I’ve almost had the left side of my car torn off because some motorists on campus haven’t learned a neat trick called "reading." So turn in a turn lane.

Or go straight, whatever. I like getting new cars.

Matt Poston is a junior in the School of Management. He can be reached at opinions@purdueexponent.org.