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[JohnIan101]

Past Tense - Moist And Deadly Part I


[An earlier version of this PT was originally posted on July 26th, 2015 on JoBlo's "DVD, Blu-Ray & Home Theater Discussion" forum.]

"Limited Edition Horror" 2017 does not know, "no" for an answer. It wants blood - this week, a cautionary tale; toxic waste and water rodents just don't mix in "Zombeavers"...



The motion picture opened on March 22nd, 2015. The budget is unknown. It grossed $8,163 during its limited U.S. theatrical run. The film opened number sixty-nine at the box office (69!!!), the following week it dropped off the chart.

The feature opened against "The Divergent Series: Insurgent", "Kingsman: The Secret Service" and "Chappie".

This originally was not issued a slipcover. As far as I can tell, both formats did not come with any inserts.

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There was a single exclusive, this was from Best Buy, a Blu-Ray only release. This streeted on May 19th, 2015 for $9.99.

Was there on release day.

Curious... where's the DVD? Could not find it; typically when the store does a BD exclusive release they also sell the DVD too (as they did with "WolfCop" [2014]). Not in this case. I asked for help, the clerk did a search and discovered that no, Best Buy did not have it in store.

But I could buy it for the same price online. Pass, no free shipping - I would end up paying more.

Nobody had it - not at Target or even Wal-Mart which is real surprise since they carry all sorts of low budget and direct to video titles. It's quite neutral, you can find some solid gems and real turkeys. Anyhow...

In the end, I bought it from Ebay for the same BD price. Got it two and a half weeks later. *shakes head*

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Rant.

Let me take a step back since I'm sure there are a lot of folks who are in the dark. Though the film's title is pretty self-explanatory.

The film centers on three college girlfriends who decide to have a girls' weekend out in the woods - a cabin; away from their guys. Especially for Jenn (Lexi Atkins) who found a cell photo of her boyfriend cheating, but the girl in the picture is obscured by hair.

Zoe (Cortney Palm) and Mary (Rachel Melvin) do their best to keep her mind off the infidelity. Little do they know that within hours they'll be caught, ground zero of Beavageddon!

A few days earlier a barrel of toxic waste fell of a transport truck (very much like "Return Of The Living Dead Part II" [1987]) and landed into a stream which feeds to the lake; it ruptures in front of a beaver dam, naturally.

Man, too bad the song "Spacehopper" (by Julian Cope) wasn't playing on the truck's radio.

Back to the ladies...

Later that evening to their dismay, their other halfs show up; Tommy (Jake Weary), Sam (Hutch Dano) and Buck (Peter Gilroy). It's hours from home in the middle of the night, the guys are allowed to stay. Quite awkward between Sam and Jenn.

Before going to bed Jenn plans on taking a shower and finds one of them in the tub. She is rescued by Tommy who smashes it with a baseball bat. What happened?

It is believed the critter was infected with rabies, the situation is over. Not even close.



The following morning the Zombeavers attack in full force while some of the group are lounging about on a raft. Things go horrific wrong.

That scene reminded me (I'm not the only one) of the segment story in the anthology, "Creepshow II" (1987), "The Raft". In that, a group of college kids are trapped on a raft in a lake - hunted by an giant ameba.

A nice twist ending on that, the stuff on the lake is just the tip of how big that ameba is. The best short in that film.



By the way, this isn't a CGI movie, the aquatic rodents were puppets. There is minor CGI, but that was for removal. Like the bear scene, the trainer was taken out of the shot, minor stuff.

The animatronic beavers were created by Creature Effects who did SFX for such features as "Cowboys & Aliens" (2011), "300" (2007), "Army Of Darkness" (1993), "Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines" (2003) and "I Am Legend" (2007).

My understanding early on - these animals would look like the "Caddyshack" (1980) gopher, which was a hand puppet.



Not really, these have robotic armatures. Above is director Jordan Rubin with his Mecha-Beavers. Which by the way would make a cool sci-fi flick.

What impressed me is something that is mostly a throwaway moment. Post raft attack...

In the kitchen, an impaled beaver was still moving... flapping its tail. Tapping to the others outside like morse code.

This opens the door for something worse.



Not just fevered attacks, these animals ARE engaging in coordinated strikes!

That I found quite interesting.

This is a horror comedy. And for the most part does not take itself too seriously. There's a plot point I'm leaving out which turns quite absurd. Just roll with it, I did. AND there is a healthy amount of nudity.

I miss that in scare flicks. Bare breasts used to be a stable of the genre. Before horror got overrun by tweens and jump scares.

And there is a stinger after the end credits for a possible sequel, would like to see that get made. I like the idea by Rasec125 on a different message board, "Racoombies". Indeed!

I do have a moan. I wish the commentary was feature long, it isn't. It's two separate recordings edited together and ends way before the finale.

I wanted more.

What I really enjoyed was the end credits song - "Zombeavers" by Legolambs, featuring Nick Amado. The band is made up of Al Kaplan and his brother Jon. They along with Jordan Rubin wrote the screenplay. So it's quite fitting they would compose the end title song.

Imagine a cheesy song, but SUNG by a Frank Sinatra impersonator. It gives the words that extra umph.

A cheerful gang of college students think they're on vacation; instead they're dodging beaver chompers and facing their damnation. So board up the doorways and windows my friend - it won't do any good, these furry brown bastards are fully equip and they'll chew right through the wood.

- song lyrics.

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Update 02/25/20

Doing my daily net thing - discovered the official BD release is today, almost five years after being a Best Buy exclusive.