Directionless Lord Of The Rings story

[carl]

Frodo picked his teeth with his Sting which removed orcs from a gap between his toes. "My goodness gracious precious aren't those my hairy friends?" No! Then why are they sniffing hungrily? Perhaps Samwise provoked them with his long spoon that tore through the tops of cabbage. After eating children he licked Gandalf's staff and brushed the dirt from his face (?) with funny slippers covered with marbles. he then drooled over Frodo, tempted to kiss Sam right after Hannukah. Sauron the pimp was strutting up the boardwalk to Las Vegas when suddenly flaming rats fell from his hair and crapped carrots down his pants which clumped around his ankles which swelled up into a large crustacious flamingo. Surprised, he giggled like his mother who looked like Asian. "Hey!" said Legolas. "What the bloody smeg? I forgot to eat those positively delicious Triscuit-Crackers with ketchup and cheese." Then over dinner, Legolas exclaimed, "WOOHOO!" and leapt clumsily onto Restypines. Unfortunately, she died because sauron sang Kumbayah loudly. Meanwhile, Pippin heard nine squirrels fighting Uruk-Hai and kicking high in their precious away whilst PJ decided that Gandalf backflips dagerously a large sandwich made with tomatoes, mustard and peanut butter. Then he flung taters at Aragorn who spat upon himself because he loathed bacon sundaes. But, suddenly a wild banshee sprang up and vomited green sludge coated with excrements. This irritated Aragorn becasue he usually is quite capable unless plum pudding erupts onto Gondor covering all in gooey filth that ruined everyone's dinner. One other problem: Rohan faltered when Eowyn tried mounting a frame with ten nails but only five penetrated the wall after she grew very tired of hammering. Then, out of the void came something lurking a dark walrus that cried, "Why? What's happening to my darling little Gimli??" He was exasperated because nobody wanted hsi crusty dwarf. Thirteen elves singing in unison about their mothers came.
The ignorant bastard Melkor tore apart the piece of black panties and found many humongous jewels inside them. He snatched the orcs from Moria with great love and passion despite the blood that oozed from his mouth. This intrigued everyone in the Pranicg Pony fantastically. Then Pippin assaulted the black rider with a big shoe and then expostulated his theory crushing only Merry's toes. However, when Pippin postulated that postulations were bad, he ate 25 carrots until Merry took his last Carrot. This caused madness among Shirefolk because they always carry at least seven or more baskets filled with blue carrots because they believe that carrots are hallucinogenics and enjoy funky blue colours which melt Smeagol's testicles. Subsequently, he ate coagulated secretions passionately squeegeed from Sam's corpsewhich postulated and postulated until green scabs appeared. Forthwith, the Nazgul stole pills from the pharmacy. These pills ressurect their ugly crackwhores but won't disembowel unless Tom Clancy Bombadil rectifies usage properly. But, this rectification did not pleasure Frodo in his really tight buttcheeks. However, MrBaseman told Bright Slappy to embrace his powerful "scepter" which attacked himself fiercely with postulations and postulations. Aragorn told Arwen about his strange habit of taking LSD while frolicking in the really trippy huge dreamscape. Meanwhile, sixty-seven orcs took California out with seductive roofies because there's too much static to hear what Elrond exclaims. Elrond greedily flung Gimli over Caradhras with gusto. Flailing, he dilly-dallied with a dwarven war-axe, thinking, "When will Gollum try anything un-precious, because Frodo has remarkably been healed thing and hobbits never ever kiss Dwarves except on when or. Anyways, Elrond's fancy pants extinguished Gollum's cigar and pissed him off. The sheer lack of estrogen implies sexual deviance in many countries so postulations occured about every other concerning hobbits! Speaking of halflings, did Fatty Bolger ever boink the Balrog? No, he merely mushroomed his shucabookalooka slowly. Not it turned upside down sideways and spun quickly out of orbit and and pepto bismol. Then frodo fumbled, thereby accidentally kicking Sam's shin and his own private who wouldn't protect itself. All the statements requested by the Simpsons filled many chasms yonder the moon and rainbow. Thou shalt now relieve thyself on the holy grail. Gandalf likes his long staff, smooth and lusciously storked without inhibition or lubrication. Metaphysically-speaking, entropy Frodo took Sam by the river and had to propose a business venture because Aragorn decided to live out his fantasy until Eowyn scored with Shelob. Now, Impregnated by Shelob, who left frodo when lingerie models killed Gandalf brutally. Precious peanuts, exclaimed Ilsidor as herds of sheep Skateboarded towards rivendall with ten gazillion peanuts! "Delivery's here!" Said Agent Skully as creepy orcs crept over her red-haired peanut-head crying "Hi-Ho Silver!" So, it could carry the redheaded oliphaunt past all the Rohirrim whilst trumpeting their loot! Meanwhile, Uruk-hai #3,274 bit a piece out of SaddamHusseins warhead-sized warhead,"BOOM" said Wingfoot as Treebeard's bark melted, revealing his true feelings about gandalf. Beyond the fangorn forest there lay Vader breathing heavily, and he died. Ents, just having frolicked through the beds of the Nazgul, ate Pippin for 2nd-breakfast. Then regurgitation ensued, and then they fortified Orthanc with their fruitcakes. Unfortunatly, for Elrond, cornicopias Smelling of hobbits who were decomposing outside Rivendell. All along the watchtower, Frodo experiences Elrond's stand-up comedy acts through out gandalfs doctor-appointment. Elrond likes his steak rare, covered juicily with tabasco and peanuts. Then Manwe became agitated when Arwen's costume revealed her finger without a drop of moisturizer around it. Frighteningly her boobs exploded all Pippin said was "man who beefed?" Aragorn bamboozled Eowyn without checking his spermcount that he manage to masturbate while making pancakes. The astonishment of Merry's grandiose lembas bread should have squished Treebeard. Instead, the bread was digested but then it fermented!legolas puked violently on Mrs. Butterworth's apron and apologised profusely whilst making sweet love to Gimli. "What are you doing!" asked Gandalf. Embarrased, Legolas hid his embarrassment behind Frodo's booty, shaking his "groove-thang" as Gimli screamed out "I don't like screaming!!!" Frodo got aroused when Sam touched his feet, massaging them and rubbing frodos hair. Aragon wanted Sam for his manwhore tendencies which disturbed Arwen immensely that she fainted on Bilbo. Bilbo recoiled when Eowyn battered Balrog who hadn't wiped his beard since 1695 after frying some bacon burgers. Later the mushrooms ate SingeStoor because they smelled repulsive and looked moldy like Lurtz. Finally, three nerds played strip-poker without any cameras. Sadly the obese one accumulated all the buttercups and ate all the flowers. This made Sam very good at Twister so he took the GAME and went to neumdaddy's crib, following Frodo's mojo which postulated more horny reptiles. Suddenly Legolas grabbed Frodo while a large crocodile bit an oliphaunt carrying pipin's scarf and both shoes. The oliphaunt stomped on Neumdaddy's vibrating SOCK whilst econmists looked on longingly whilst Samwise murdered Boromir. "Why hullo Mr. President Carter." Screamed Gandalf who oogled elvish writing which somehow blew sand and water up

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[carl]

Damn you Hot Gin.

I thought someone finally appreciated this piece of nonsense I helped create.