The beginning of the Oscars 2001 telecast was a bumpy one. Steve Martin was figuratively dropped into Shrine Auditorium from orbiting astronauts. Martin started off with a lot of really lame jokes that insulted a lot of the celebrity audience and that was a little unnerving. For a minute, I had a horrific flashback to the David Letterman hosting where the center joke was “UMA” and “OPRAH”.

Martin’s joke which talked about Ellen Burstyn gaining 40 pounds, enhancing her age and having Russell Crowe hit on her was a real low point. What the hell were the writers thinking? Wasn’t that supposed to maybe refer to Dennis (Meg Ryan’s other lover) Quaid’s hitting on the woman in a Hollywood coffee shop? Crowe didn’t like it. I really didn’t either.

I really missed Billy Crystal’s opening songs or parody montages. I think the opening lacked the luster and grace Billy Crystal always brought to the glitter of Oscar night. I think they need to find a host that will do the movie montages and make them an opening focus. They were always spectacular and clever.

Briefly as I look back on the 73rd Oscars I really wanted to point out some shocks and surprises.

Shock Categories:

Well the first shock category was Marcia Gay Harden’s win over Kate Hudson. I was speechless. That category has always loved the dark horses and pushed adrenaline into unfamiliar faces. Harden is the perfect example of that. I just hope she shines and doesn’t waste away like Mira Sorvino and Marisa Tomei.

The second was the director category which not only shocked the nominees but also the press. Steven Soderbergh is a visionary and Traffic was an amazing film but the Gladiator Best Picture win afterwards was sort of a slap in the face for Ridley Scott. Scott touched so many people during the production but the visionary didn’t win. On another side, Ang Lee was the front-runner and it would have been a big break-through for Asian cinema if he could have taken home the Oscar for director. The Tiger didn’t pounce in the higher categories.

Best and Most Memorable Oscar Moment:

My favorite had to be Goldie Hawn’s introduction for Original Score. It was so very candid and there was even a little flashback to her days on “Laugh-In”. What was kind of interesting was Julia Robert’s acceptance speech kind of followed Hawn’s candid measure. It’s great to see actors show themselves being so very candid. That was aspect priceless.

Most Touching:

For this category, I have three. One, I have always loved the “Memoriam” sequence where we look back on the people who have left us. Two, the Steven Soderbergh speech was short and beautifully inspiring. Three, the praising Dino De Laurentis was long over due.

Fashion:

With every Oscars there is always a huge focus on fashion. There are always those ones that blow you away and make you shake your head. Some of the beauties that graced the red-carpet this year were Renee Zellweger’s yellow strapless dress, Julia Roberts’ return to Hollywood grace with the a Valentino classic and Winona Ryder’s black dress. The one that made me cringe the most was Jennifer Lopez’s see-thru shocker.

As for the guy’s tuxedos the only real one that impressed me was Samuel L Jackson’s almost black Arabic-style long tuxedo without a tie. Jackson made me want to wear a tuxedo.

I was also blown away by the presence of Susanna Hoffs during the Randy Newman number. Wow, it’s been such a long time since we have seen her and she is still a knock-out.

To conclude, it was a nice ceremony and show but not stupendous. But I have an idea for next year’s host. Hey Academy, how about Mike Myers?

Now I have to keep my ears and eyes open for the 2001 Oscars.

So Says the Soothsayer.