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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2002

    Unhappy Even Gisele Bundchen groping Jennifer Esposito can't make this film interesting

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    While not even close to being one of my all time favorite films, the french hit action comedy <a href=""><b>Taxi</b></a> was nevertheless a fun little ride that featured an easy going chemistry between its leads and car chases that actually felt like the characters were driving through rush hour at over 200 mph. The first news I heard of this new American remake (<i>cus; no offense, but you guys never leave anything alone</i>) was a billboard at the local cinema and a trailer that left me clawing my eyes out in disbelief. Sadly I really am too much of a nice guy, and so when one of my friends said that she wanted to see this I agreed to tag along (<i>Course I would like to know when my friends are going to agree to tag along to something I want to see.</i>)and watch what was sure to be a crime against humanity.

    I suppose it's not really fair to completely bash the film since it did actually make me laugh; once, and; well, I wasn't so much laughing with it as I was laughing at it. It was just the opening scene that depicts a thin but muscular guy on a BMX pulling off all sorts of stunts, before he moves slightly out of the camera's view and returns as Queen Latifah. I'm sorry, I've seen some pretty poor body doubles before but this one just took the cake.

    While never quite recovering from the complete embarrassment of this intro the film does then at least manage to get down to business as usual. Like the original <b>Taxi</b> is an action comedy buddy movie about a car obsessed cabbie in a modified super Taxi who unwittingly teams up with an inept cop in order to solve a spate of bank robberies.

    This time though the cabbie in question is an extravagant female named Belle. Queen Latifah plays the role of Belle and, still under the illusion that she is actually funny, gives another run to that same loud, obnoxious and completely unlikable character that she's lumped herself with. Nevertheless the fact that this character has such a horrid personality makes her the films strongest point by default since she is the only person in the film that actually has a personality.

    However Latifah is completely mismatched with former Saturday Night Live star Jimmy Fallon, a man with whom she lacks the most important part of any buddy movie, chemistry. Next to her annoying exuberance he manages to be even more annoying through his lack of effort. It's like he knows that nothing he'll do could ever make this material funny so why bother giving the character any personality. He whines about the situation and blunders his way through the investigation, but never brings the character alive in ways that the "writing" doesn't do for him.

    Even worse is the supporting cast who; lacking anything from the writers, manage to avoid anything even resembling characters. Henry Simmons pouts away as Belle's boyfriend, but has nothing to work with and so gives up trying to make you care about what is now a completely pointless romantic side story. <b>Spin City</b>'s Jennifer Esposito parades around in loose sweaters as Lt. Marta Robbins (<i>the one character with a second name</i>) but what is she trying to be exactly? Washburn's boss? His ex girlfriend? His friend? someone who absolutely hates him??? The writers couldn't make up their minds what the character feels and so she's not able to become any of these things. Of course the less said about Gisele Bundchen as the lead thief in a gang known as Redhead, Third Robber and Fourth Robber (<i>no seriously check IMDB</i>) the better. Yes these bank robbing bikini models may spend most of the film parading around in next to nothing but they still somehow manage to make some of histories least interesting villains.

    The worst part of the film though is not the cast, but rather it's the lack of either humor or excitement. Sure there are quite a few unintentional laughs (<i>The fact that Belle speaks multiple languages because she used to deliver pizza's is a joke that's not funny. The fact that she is able to identify the thieves nationality based on the language they spoke is hilarious when you try to figure out how she heard them while they were sitting in different cars traveling at hundreds of miles an hour</i>) but the actual writing itself is stupid, lame and so predicable that the merest hint of a jokes set up is enough to reveal its punch line.

    Now while I've tried to establish that the writers couldn't tell a joke to save their lives, I still feel that they should have at least tried to provide some moderately exciting car chases. Not so. Tim Story's direction to this film is limited to a few repetitive swooping shots that are supposed to induce a feeling of speed. I assure you that it does not work. These car chases all feel like the same 2 swerves interspersed by the occasional bit of shoddy blue screen to place the characters into the action. There's none of the feeling of speed that made the original a cult classic and the results are completely unspectacular. So what are you left with? An action comedy that is neither funny nor exciting.

    Halfway through the film my brain melted and I still wasn't entertained. Even the sight of Gisele Bundchen groping Jennifer Esposito can't make this film interesting, and a thousand other lame punch lines could be used to say what should be obvious. This is one travesty that should be avoided by all.


    Please try not to be too harsh on lil ole me. Iv'e been busy of late and this is my first film review in nearly 6 months so I know I'm a little rusty. Oh and hey, hope y'all still remember me.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    I agree 100 percent, this movie was BAD. The only good thing that came out of it was the 2 points I got on my AMC movie watcher card (Availible at your local AMC). Get yours today!
    Sgt. Johnny Beaufort: He says, "The Apaches are a great race," sir. "They've never been conquered. But it is not well for a nation to be always at war. The young men die... the women sing sad songs... and the old ones are hungry in the winter."
    Fort Apache

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Bonny Scotland
    sadly I have not seen this film yet and funnily enough i dont wanna c it, not even Gisele could tempt me
    In the year of our Lord 1314
    patriots of Scotland
    starving and outnumbered
    charged the fields at Bannockburn
    They fought like warrior poets
    They fought like Scotsmen
    And won their freedom

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    AMC cinemas are great, I loved it when I was in america.

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