Home Video Exclusives

[JohnIan101]

Past Tense - Documenting A Killer Tween In Brute's Body Part III


Easter Eggs.

There are two eggs here - both of them are the same; live footage of Ari Lehman's band, "First Jason" live at The Viper Room club (Los Angeles, CA) singing a Jason related song. It's okay I suppose. I have nothing good or bad to say about it. *shrugs* These eggs are from the DVD edition. Don't know if they're on the BD version (probably are).

Disc 1

Main Menu -> highlight "Audio/Subtitles", press left; highlight X on the hockey mask - ENTER.

- - -

Bonus Disc

Main Menu -> Scene Selection -> highlight "Main Menu", press left; highlight the diamond over the right eye of the hockey mask - ENTER.

- - - - -

These next two eggs are not a part of "Crystal Lake Memories", very true. But it's tangentially related - "His Name Was Jason" DVD. Yeah, it's a stretch, but I feel it's warranted. Okay.

Ari Lehman doing a Jason Jamaican rap (bloopers included).

Disc 2 -> highlight "Final Cuts", press left; highlight red strip on right side of mask - ENTER.

- - -

Stu Charno philosophizing on his ukulele.

Disc 2 -> highlight "Fox Comes Home", press left; highlight red strip on left side of mask - ENTER.

- - - - - - - - - -

Recommendations.

Five more holiday themed titles to watch; new and old features - to fuel your nightmares.

"Anna And The Apocalypse" (2017)
The sleepy British town of Little Haven is preparing for Christmas when The End comes. Anna Shepard is having a fight with her father Tony because she wants to take a year off in Australia before going to college. But that future becomes nothing more than a 'what if'. An unknown virus is spreading throughout England and possibly the rest of the planet. The dead are rising, feasting on the living. Getting ready for school the next day; Anna and her best friend John discover their town under attack. Both attempt to reach school to find their friends, her dad works there - a janitor. Along the way they find pals and rivals, banding together to reach campus hoping to find loved ones. Things get much worse, not from the dead, but their power hungry, new headmaster Arthur Savage - who has his own plans on how to survive the apocalypse. A horror, comedy, zombie... musical. There have been a few attempts at horror musicals - they fail. This has managed to rise above with catchy songs, story and gore.
Cinedigm Entertainment Corp. - 2019 - R

"Go To The Head Of The Class" (1986)
This a season two episode (eight; aired November 21st, 1986) from the fantasy/sci-fi/sometimes horror anthology, "Amazing Stories" produced by Steven Spielberg. The half hour NBC series had far more misses than hits. So many episodes were big budget fillers. Then you have this... lightening in a bottle. So good they made it as an hour long program. Directed by Robert Zemeckis and co-written by Bob Gale the men behind, "Back To The Future" (1985). High school students Peter Brand and Cynthia Simpson wish to pull a prank on their domineering and quite cruel English teacher, Professor Beanes. Her plan was to cast a spell on him, an uncontrolled fit of hiccups. The conjure hidden in a heavy metal album, played backwards. Peter is infatuated with her and goes along. Each of the ingredients gathered, some grim. The results were unexpected as Beanes become aware of the duo's extracurricular activities and relentlessly pursues the would-be couple; alive and in death. Think of it like a teen version of "H.P. Lovecraft's Re-Animator" (1985). It was the only episode of the series to have "Parental Discretion Advised" warning. Not sure where you can see this other than on Amazon Prime. Season two was not released on DVD in America. Freaky coincidence; I wrote this entry on February 17th (2020) - two days later discovered the series is coming back for a limited run on Apple's streaming service, Apple+.
NA - 1986 - NR

"Monarch Of The Moon" (2006)
For laughs; an over-the-top parody of 1940s matinée serials (not politically correct); made on a budget of $75,000 and told in six chapters - pure cheese. It’s in the same vein as "Black Dynamite" (2009) and "The Call Of The Cthulhu" (2005), a contemporary film made to look vintage. Army aviator, Cal Crawford was captured by Nazis and experimented on. Their scientific tests backfired, Cal gains an ability... the power to communicate with yellow jackets! He escaped and now offers his superhero services to the government. Yellow Jacket with his band of freedom fighters (dimwitted secretary, alcoholic sidekick, not so brilliant scientist and a Bear Scout) must stop a deadly Japanese agent, known as Dragonfly and her mechanical menace, the JapBots. It becomes all too clear that there is a global conspiracy - someone is supplying The Axis with advanced technology... building a doomsday weapon. Who is doing it? And for what nefarious purpose? Does it have something to do with the moon? The DVD has been released twice, the original pressing in 2006 includes their first attempt at period sci-fi, "Destination Mars" ('06 too). It’s not very good; at best, 'okay'. Go with the re-release that's "Monarch" only.
Image Entertainment - 2007 - NR

"Muck" (2015)
This is one of those films; either you love it or hate it, a throwback - tons of nudity and gore, few CGI. The concept was simple, but made numerous viewers upset, mad even. You are watching the middle movie of a trilogy; dumped into the sequel without knowing what's going on. You get snippets of the plot from characters, piece them together for the story. Cape Cod, Florida; a nude woman (Jaclyn Swedberg - Playboy's Playmate Of The Year 2012) is fleeing from an unseen danger, losing her clothes as she runs. She's lost in a foggy marsh - finds an abandoned house where other horrors had recently occurred. We learn through flashbacks and dialog; most of her friends are dead. The group had disrupted a long forgotten ancient burial ground; awaken a vengeful spirit. Now in less numbers what remains take refuge in that house, finding their nude friend. It gets worse - the house is home to a gang of cannibals. All of this happens in one night, the final hours of St. Patrick's Day. Things get much worse, relentless - the lucky ones are already dead. The idea was to have a trilogy; second film first, then part one and later the finale. But it bombed. I loved it. So many clichés were subverted, felt like watching the first "Evil Dead" (1983), cheesy and over-the-top. It also stars horror icon, Kane Hodder as our cannibal Big Bad.
Anchor Bay Entertainment, LLC - 2015 - R

"When A Stranger Calls" (2006)
Few PG-13 films can capture intensity minus jump scares. Teen Jill Johnson is being punished by her parents; her cell phone bill is 800 minutes overs the monthly allotted time. She will work it off by babysitting. Jill is hired by the Mandrakis to care for their two kids while the parents go to a dinner and movie - home by midnight. An easy few hours in their large and extravagant lake home. But alone while the kids sleep, Jill starts receiving a series of prank calls - rising from trolling to disturbing. Soon it becomes very apparent she's not alone in the house. She will have to use every ounce of her creativity and prowess in track to save the kids and herself from the dark figure. It was satisfying to have the killer's reveal (face) happen at the very end. He's the boogeyman. This is a remake to the 1979 original feature of the same name also on home video.
Sony Pictures Home Entertainment - 2006 - PG-13



While finishing up my research I uncovered another. In the United Kingdom, a three disc DVD set; streeted on June 9th, 2014 for Ł17.98. It was a region 0 release from Stax Entertainment, LTD - rated "E", Exempt From Classification.

One last bit; in 2014 this doc was nominated, "Best Limited Release/Direct-To-Video" for The Reaper Awards presented by Home Media Magazine. It won. It's was an industry publication for stores. The best in horror releases.

Feeling sweaty? Kinda nervous? I'm sure it's fine. Not like you're gonna get a bug attack by car sized extraterrestrial insects... 'cause that's next week. Sleep tight!

Is something touching your arm?

[JohnIan101]

Best Buy - October 20th, 2020


Back To The Future: 35th Anniversary Trilogy
Exclusive steelbook; 4k BD/BD combo $64.99

[JohnIan101]

Past Tense - Bugs, Big Bomb And Zealots Part I


[An earlier version of this PT was originally posted on January 3rd, 2013 on JoBlo's "DVD, Blu-Ray & Home Theater Discussion" forum.]

You can hear them moving in the walls within the ventilation system, foot by foot closer to the well paid and rendered pointless - panic room. If this was a movie there would be a long lingering shot of the bed frame outside of the hidden room with focus on muted sounds.

There was a pause, eyes closed and a fade to slumber then a slight adrenaline rush as you remember what is going on. At this point you are afraid to move from your spot on the floor. Last year those devil dogs had actually pounced on your former home's roof. There is a quick thought of what you will do if that happens here, not much is the answer. Harsh, but honest. So screwed.

Even from this attic spot you can hear muffled howls. They had found the room, unknown if they tumbled in and were - trapped? Or at this point were mauling the vent grate to enter. Then another big idea popped, man - you are slowing. This should've happened before you went up here.

All those areas you had concealed peanut butter and spent paper towel rolls. You could give them reasons, reasons to search elsewhere for you should they get out. Open the jars now and plop the empty rolls inside and fling them on various walls across the home - make them confused. Giving you more time for morning, at least hoping that morning will bring about a new, better day.

You take out the golf club and rush downstairs with the bow clenched; ready to fire arrows as needed. No sign of them as you increase your pace - you have this momentary advantage, don't loose it. Various hidden closets are opened and jars pulled, not daring to open until you're ready to drop them like scented ruses. More slower blinks, "Scented Ruses" sounds like a bathroom odor spray, might be a strong potpourri with some wooded smells - cedar maybe. You shake that thought away.

Not now dude.

Each of the room were baptized with peanut butter and the jar left behind, sealed but not before placing a tiny bit on the lid. None of the peanut butter made contact with your skin or on clothes. That would defeat the defense. Each was hidden away behind a large furniture or inside a room you could lock. Let them fight to get inside.

Five rooms were done before anguished howls were heard. They're inside. And know they've been hoodwinked. No more time for more rooms - what to do with the other sealed jars? You put them inside a nearby cabinet. You rush back to your former spot. And another thought popped.

What if other chupacabras critters heard that wail and come to their aid? While maybe - and that's a big maybe, the panic room will seal them in. What about others who join in? You're back to zero once they finished with the mired chunky paste and hunt you down.

Can't think about this - can't; like a middle age ninja, you race up and return to your attic sanctuary. Locked with the club once more. This time around having your bow and arrows far closer to you. The room is so dark, the outside street lights are still working in the haze and giving just the outline of objects in the refuge from the dusty windows.

Another sound is heard, can't quite make it out. Like banging on metal, kinda chaotic. Then a head shake to keep awake, you're hurting now for sleep. Those adrenaline burst are not lasting when your body is at rest. What was that noise? More dogs? MORE DOGS.

More demon dogs are inside the house and now that sound is registering - they too are inside the vents. But are having trouble navigating, those peanut butter decoys are making them confused - probably like the scent was coming from everywhere.

More than likely they found that open vent from smelling their own - the blood around the grate they chewed and pulled open. How many new ones? Right now that's trivial. The point is to survive the night. Oh man, in the rush you forgot to take your watch or even look at a clock. What time is it now? Whatever - you're not moving from this place, no more Hail Marys to have.

Another long yawn, this one way longer than all the others. Scared. Please don't sleep. Please don't sleep.

"Limited Edition Horror" 2020 continues with week four; hope you have enough cans of Raid for this insect infused interstellar malediction - "Starship Troopers 3"...



"Starship Troopers 3: Marauder" was released on home video on August 5th, 2008. It was a direct-to-video title.

It streeted against "Rogue: Unrated", "Star Trek: Enterprise - The Complete Second Season" and "Lonesome Dove: 2 Disc Collector's Edition".

The basic edition originally came with a cardboard foil slipcover which mirrored the case's wraparound. The only insert was the instructions for the digital copy.

- - -

There were several exclusives. Lets address this alphabetically...



FYE/Suncoast offered an exclusive steelbook case for the film. This is fuzzy, but it appears that it sold for $26.99.

I'm not 100% certain if that was the release day price. It's the best I could do.

Target had two exclusives mixed into one...



First they gave their DVD a lenticular slipcover - different from the wraparound. Inside was the second exclusive; "Mobile Infantry Field Manual", a three page fold-out booklet. This set sold for $16.99. I remember not knowing about it until days later; went to my local store, hoping they would still have one in stock.

Yes, they did; sold my extra copy on eBay (minus the booklet and slipcover).



Wal-Mart had an exclusive disc (in its own case), side packed the regular DVD. This set sold for $19.98. Sorry, no menu screen - single featurette, "On The Bounce: The Making Of Starship Troopers" just plays. A run time of 24:11 minutes. This is where I first bought my copy, sway.

- - - - - - - - - -

Footnotes.

There was another exclusive, but not solely for "Marauder". It was for the three movie compendium, released on the same street.



Best Buy had a eight inch limited edition Marauder figurine (unit #04) with "Starship Troopers Trilogy" DVD; entitled "The Ultimate Starship Troopers Collector's Set". This sold for $39.99 (if you just wanted the three disc set, only - $29.99). Didn't have the money at the time, otherwise I would've gotten this too. Don't have much regrets; where would I put this? The box was huge.

[JohnIan101]

Past Tense - Bugs, Big Bomb And Zealots Part II


Rant.



I really like this flick. This installment was the closest to the tone of the first movie. I've been reading reviews from folks who were bothered by the ideas this chapter gave.

* The framing of anti-war protesters on conspiracy charges (capital crime) - to be hanged.
* The co-opt of religion by the Federation.

Lethal pout.

I am puzzled by some who didn't get the first movie. We were NOT the good guys. In fact the world government was deceiving us into going to war. Keep the masses frightened and angry, give them a common enemy; this runs the wheels of power.

The bugs are ruthless, true, but we started the war with them. This one world government is an empire. And as all empires do - they expand. We expanded to bug territory and thought we could kill these primitives and take their resources. They fought back.

In the first film we had a major disaster with a meteor which impacted Buenos Aires, it nearly totaled the metropolis. This act was the tipping point, a declaration of war was announced. The thing is how?

How could the bugs have sent that rock to Earth? They have no FTL (Faster Than Light) carriers. In fact they spread by sending their seeds into space. They might land on a moon or a planet - new colony. Yes some could fly into space, but no faster than a jet engine. If they had sent that rock to us, it would've taken thousands of years to arrive - long before we ever had the ability of basic flight, before we first ventured into space itself.

Lets be perfectly clear - that rock could not go faster than they can throw/spew out.

The government told us the bugs sent it, they lied. This future world has an over population problem. The conflict was a way to kill two birds with one stone; help them to eliminate a threat to their expansion and thin the herd at the same time.

Why is this concept hard to understand?

You are a second class person without Citizenship; very little rights. By serving in the military, if you survive, you have rights. It's a militaristic state depicted here, not a happy world.

The other would be a power play. This war could be used to justify taking away/reducing civil liberties; more fuel to keep the empire running. It's never about the individual rights, just the "collective". That being the nice word for The Elite.

Lets get this clear - the film series is satire.

I remember when the first movie came out, reading how some didn't see it any further than a sci-fi action piece. Really? Dude, that's disturbing. The military leaders were dressed like Nazis. Filmmakers made a parody of war and politics. C'mon, one of protesters in "Marauder" was going to be hanged in his wheelchair... they actually built a ramp for his chair just to kill him.

Reminds me of "Team America: World Police" (2004). There were viewers who didn't see anything wrong with what happened on screen (minus the puppet sex and puppet vomit). Did they not understand it was satire? It wasn't a patriotic motion picture - at all. WTF? *sigh*

Across the federation, federation experts agree that: A: God exists, B: He's on our side, C: He wants us to win.

I like how the film (number three) ended with a public announcement that we have a new weapon against the bugs. It left it rather open ended as to what they meant; the Marauders mechs or government sanctioned religion. As for the folks who are saying its anti-Christian, they never said what religion they followed.

Would You Like To Know More?

At one point, you could find "Starship Troopers 3: Marauder" with its slipcover at Big Lots! for three bucks.

- - -

How many in the franchise?



Five films in total - four of them direct-to-video sequels and the last two were CGI features.

"Starship Troopers" (1997) - 129 minutes

"Starship Troopers 2: Hero Of The Federation" (2004) - 92 minutes

"Starship Troopers 3: Marauder" (2008) - 105 minutes

"Starship Troopers [4]: Invasion" (2012) - 89 minutes

"Starship Troopers [5]: Traitor Of Mars" (2017) - 88 minutes

The first film is now twenty-three years old and still looks great. And better than a lot of CGI laden motion pictures today. This is what happens when you create CGI that is designed to exist in real world daylight, not for muted and altered hues.

Actor Casper Van Dien reprised his role of Juan "Johnny" Rico in the last three movies. And Dina Meyer reprised Isabelle "Dizzy" Flores from the first film for "Traitor Of Mars". Pardon? Yes, she died in movie one - but is a hallucination here, Johnny's torment and inspiration.

By the way, the last one is good. It's a sci-fi, political thriller. Rico is demoted (from general to colonel; aftermath of "Invasion") and dropped on Mars to train the local enlisters. The planet has been terraformed. It's a nothing job, no bugs. There is however a hidden infestation.

An up and coming Sky Marshal is keeping that a secret - planning to perpetrate a false flag against her rival when the arachnids attack. Then making the claim she had no choice but to detonate the planet killing bomb (all evidence of her wrong doings incinerated). She rises up the ranks at the expense of Mars, everyone on the surface and in orbit in the space station. It's up to Johnny and his newbies to expose the fraud and expose her.

Man, I would love to have a sixth film. There is strong continuity and story themes. Have no problem with that being CGI as well. That's cool, just have a good plot and voice actors, plus Van Dien. Maybe even have Denise Richards come back for a voice role. It's not like she's doin' anything.

- - -

Wave IV of tantalizing Halloween costumes.



This outing is a hit and miss kind of thing.

Wasn't ever a fan of "The Jetsons" (cartoon felt weak and pandered in the most obvious way), but I do like the effort made for "Judy Jetson Space Futuristic" costume. The $39.99 tag comes with bustier, skirt and wig. You provide the fishnet stockings and knee high boots. That outfit works, on the right woman quite the head turner.

The other - what is it?

Sexy Kenny from "South Park". Yeah, that's something nobody asked for. It's for someone who wants to be an attention getter, but fails because it's not that kind of thing. That's like dressing up as Sexy JonBenét Ramsey. No. Nobody wants this. Why even do?

Don't bother looking at the specs, 'Sexy Kenny' shouldn't be a thing.

[JohnIan101]

Past Tense - Bugs, Big Bomb And Zealots Part III


Recommendations.

Five more tingles for your dark desires this holiday, next week is Halloween.

"BrainDead" (2016)
Not a movie, but a short run political horror TV series, sometimes dark comedy and sometimes gory which ran for thirteen weeks on CBS, but fizzled in the ratings, not well known. Lauren Healy is a documentary filmmaker who has fallen on hard times; she lost vital fundings. With much reluctance she agrees to work for her brother in Washington, D.C., Luke is a U.S. Senator. After a few days she witnesses various erratic behavior at the capital - too much to be random, plus a man who's head exploded. Quietly she investigates and is caught up in paranoia. Lauren uncovers a discrete alien invasion... ants. The non-terrestrial insects came to Earth within a meteorite. Earth was never their goal, just dumb luck the rock ended up here. The ants burrow into brains through ears, taking out some brain matter and situating themselves inside, filling in the missing neurons - using the overtaken bodies as their vehicles. The secret invasion now includes members of Congress and staff. Her main ally is a conspiracy theorist, Gustav Triplett who is mistrustful of people already. The intent was for a four season run - the bugs were going to take over Silicon Valley, Wall Street and Hollywood, but it wasn't going to happen so the show runners made the season finale, the series finale with just enough wiggle room should two happen. It didn't. A different take on the "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers" theme.
Paramount - 2016 - NR

"eXistenZ" (1999)
The near-future; video game designer Allegra Geller is showcasing her brand new virtual reality game - "eXistenZ". Her platform is Antenna Research. Rival game company, Cortical Systematics has been trying to acquire her software for their corporation. But a third party has entered the picture, an insurgent group, the "Realist" who are anti-VR, the deforming of reality. Geller is shot and her only copy of her work is potentially damaged. She is pulled out of the building by a marketing trainee, Ted Pikul. Unable to know unless she jacks in and him too since safety protocols could be disabled. Die in the game - die in real life. She needs a bodyguard in VR. The two get caught up in a conspiracy in and out of reality as they attempt to learn what's going on - who put a bounty on her? This is a David Cronenberg film, expect body horror; the tech here is bio-mechanical. Surreal at time and just crazy at other. It should be noted that the U.S. DVD is bare bone, the U.S. Blu-Ray has minor extras. The 1999 Canadian DVD has three commentaries, documentary and trailer, studio below.
Alliance Films - 1999 - R

"John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars" (2001)
The year is 2025; Mars has been terraformed and colonized. Police officer, Lt. Melanie Ballard and cops are sent to a remote mining outpost, "Shining Canyon". After years of crimes and murders, felon James "Desolation" Williams has been caught, locked up in the local jail. The job is to pick up and transport him by train for arraignment. When they arrive, they find a dead town - massacred. At first believing it to be the work of Desolation - only to find him and what remains of the locales locked up behind the bars, done to protect themselves... from the rest of the outpost's infected population. Days earlier, miners had found a door to a lost Martian civilization - a tomb. Not so dead, existing in spectral form, taking possession of humans. Now RAGING over these invaders. A siege at the jail; left with few resources, Ballard has no choice but allow Desolation to do his thing. An uphill battle, kill one of the infected, 'it' jump to the next nearby body and continues on. It's pretty much a sci-fi remake of Carpenter's 1976 film, "Assault On Precinct 13".
Columbia TriStar Home Entertainment - 2001 - R

"Savageland" (2015)
A horror mockumentary. The largest mass murder in American history occurred on the night of June 2nd, 2011 at Sangre de Cristo (known as 'Savageland' by locals), Arizona. The boarder town sits a few miles north of Mexico. The entire population of fifty-seven were massacred; some only existing as body fragments. The police arrest an illegal, Francisco Salazar who was found at the scene covered in blood. His trial and sentence was fast tracked to appease paranoia and hysteria around the US/Mexico border. He was scapegoated. This is a documentary after the fact; going over the evidence collected and discovering omissions - Salazar to his death said he didn't do it. On his possession was one 35mm camera. He used all thirty-six images on that roll. There's where the problem begins. There are things in those photos that should not be - things the prosecution left out. An unknown force swept over Sangre de Cristo, killing all those in its path. There is no resolution, just the knowledge, that 'evil' does exist... and WILL happen again. It's a slow burn to the reveal which was right in front of you the whole time.
MVD Visual - 2018 - NR

"VWF" (2019)
An homage to John Carpenter's "Assault On Precinct 13" (1976) complete with a synthwave driven score; feels like watching an ultra-violent comic book movie, hues in neon reds and blues. A new narcotic has taken over the American drug scene, 'Hype' - highly addictive, zapping users of their identity. Local drug lord, "Boz" has his inventory stolen by a young woman "Lizard" - retaliation for the death of her sister. Unknown to her, Boz is suppose to bring his goods for sale - a deal that comes together at dawn. Lizard flees the drug den to the nearest location open... the VWF (Veterans of Foreign Wars) bar across the street. The men are celebrating the birthday of the bar owner, Fred Parras. What follows is a slice of Hell, the tavern is relentlessly attacked by the addicts as well as Boz's enforcers and his henchwoman "Gutter". The movie is memorable for its practical effects and 1980s action actors, kicking ass. Outstanding chemistry and horror as each attack wave gets more intense. Boz WANTS his stash back, badly. On DVD and BD.
RLJE Entertainment, Inc. - 2020 - NR

- - - - - - - - - -

Just Because.



Is it just me or does Jolene Blalock has a Raquel Welch vibe going on here? The image feels like an homage to "One Million Years B.C." (1966). I don't think I'm imagining it. Right?

One more corner to be turned as you flee from blood thirsty brute. One more ordeal before the dawn. Have it in you to come back next Thursday?

[JohnIan101]

Past Tense - Things Which Do Not Mix - Exotic Dancers And The Undead Part I


A brand new entry!

The darkness was quite zen, there was no telling how much time had actually elapsed. You had fallen asleep where you laid on the attic floor. Your old girlfriends pretty much said the same things. 1) You were a hard sleeper. You had in fact had slept through a minor earthquake some years back. 2) You are a quiet one, no snoring which was a benefit they enjoyed on sleep overs. You smiled at that thought.

The only reason you were roused was the crashing of something damn heavy, like a huge cabinet BELOW you. That gave you the jolted you needed to become lucid once more. But had enough fortitude to remain silent and unmoved. You had the Conan sword replica resting on your chest, like this was some kind of Viking funeral. The arrows and bow to your side. Heart now racing as you can hear the chupacabras sniffing out the last of the peanut butter decoys.

Turns out they were systematically taking them out by 'marking their territory' on the area which nulled the odor with their own. Like a soldier marking which enemy homes had been searched - scratched off their list. They had gone through the house; room by room and marking it as empty of you. Not sleepy now, you are terrified - they're not dumb beasts. They are operating on a plan; seek and destroy. You lay silent and think about the devil dogs in the panic room. Did they get out or still there, like flys caught in one of those fly jar traps?

That's when you hear one of the dogs growling what appeared to be orders. This was different, slower like it was walking with a limp. Was it THAT beast? Did it get out? BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! They're finished with the rooms. No more decoys - only one spot left unexplored. They were jumping up, attempting to crack the door open. You remain silent as each crash bounces off the attic door. Scared but not foolish. If you moved - at this range they will hear you and intensify their bombardments, breaking in swiftly.

This is how I die? You thought to yourself; not as an elderly man married for decades to some hot piece and grew old together. Get mauled into bloody bit by trans-dimensional canines? This sucks! So much preparations for nothing. More crashes, not sure how long that golf club will hold or how long the wooden frame will stay in one piece. Blinks and tears as you can hear a new sound... a crack. The wood is failing. Yeah. You're still alive. You're still alive because of all the preparations taken. Probably the only person in miles still alive this long. Thinking for a moment, all this crap DID buy you time - maybe hours.

Before you took your lay, you had enough smarts to have feet first towards the door - so you could have some tactical advantage, though minor. All you had to do is sit up and shoot those arrows like there's no tomorrow... aim be true. But not sitting up now. Has to be to your convenience, let this spot be an unknown to them even for a few more seconds or else they'll go ravenous and multi-dogs crashing into the attic. You ever so quitely pulled the arrows and bow onto your chest. Letting the sword ever so slightly fall down, you legs together so the metal does not hit the floor.

The first arrow on the bow; ready to be pulled and released. You close your eyes, doing your best to control your breathing. "The tragedy of this severed notion, looming red tonight. The clawed infatuation, this tattered nowhere man" - that was random; lyrics from the song "There Will Be Blood" came out of ether.

In the din of getting ready to meet your fate you had not seen the attic vents, some light was starting to shine through. Part of the sunlight hit the the top part of the bow - that's when you took notice. It's morning! It's MORNING. In a few moments that infernal horn should be blowing, calling these monsters back. Please hold on, door. Only maybe a minute more. A minute more.

No such luck.

The door burst open, but no dogs. It had come back down, biting on the steps, pulling the assembly down. How did they know how to do that? In the crashing noise, you sit up using the clamor to mask any sounds you could have made. Pulling your legs inward, the metal sword now touching the floor. Sounds you made which went unnoticed. You can hear creaks as one of the mutts is rising up.

Bow pulled, holding. The second its head popped up over the edge - you released. It didn't have time to register you. No yelp. It just went limp, arrow right in the eye. It slumped for a second and fell down the stairs. A second later the next arrow was ready. There was quiet, like the eye of a hurricane, that brief calm... then the sound that came was terrifying. A bark and growl combined as two of them had rushed upwards.

You had shot the next arrow into the noise, killing the chupacabra creature instantly. Dumb luck the two dogs were trying to enter at the same time. The next quiver sent a moment later killed the other devil dog. You blinked as you saw two dead beast at the door - plugging up the entry. Did you just bottleneck the attic? You can hear the other dogs actually biting and attempting to pull the dead dogs apart, the stench of disembodiment was strong. They really wanted in, badly.

More jumps and bites. You can see the corpses shifting left and right, but still were firm in place for an instant further, then both fell down with a profound splatter, probably hitting upon the rest of their pulled innards.

You heard another coming up, not quick, labored - it was barking at the other dogs. As if to say 'this is mine'. Can this work again? The sword was on the floor pointing at the entry. The creature's head surfaced, mouth drooling and bit your leg, no time to react. The beast was motivated - it missed your flesh by centimeters. But knocked you off your balance, it was trying to pull you down by your pants. Making you toss your bow a distance from you.

You give it some solid kicks, screaming at it. But its glowing eyes had only one intent and an ever so slight grin as it tried to pull you down once more. You can hear the other dogs downstares yapping and howling. One of them was jumping up and hitting where you making your final stand, trying to make it more nightmarish. BOOM! BOOM! You can hear the wood below you starting to buckle. More kicks and shouts. Then came the horn.

The long beat, air raid siren boom.

Dawn is here.

The dog's eyes had widened; time to go. You took the mega sound as your opportunity to kick with great emphasis, the hilt of that replica - sending the sword into the dog's head. Crunch! It hit into the face and out the back of it's monstrous head. The dogs below had all stopped their efforts and fled your home back to whatever Hell they came from. You could literally see the light fade in its eyes. No breaking contact... 'I beat you'.

There was no cinema style death scene; bioluminescence turned off like an old fashioned TV set. You sat there for a moment staring at your deed, your pants still in its clenched jaw. Now what?

As if right on cue, the dog was moving which startled you. Then you saw real action. It was turning into dust, the proceedings happening quicker with each passing second till the head could no longer be held in place by the sword. It broke into two and both fell down. And just like that it was over.

You were nervous and crawled on all fours towards the opening. Looking down, you saw what ever so remained of the shape fade into oblivion. Then gone. Even the smell of those open intestine were gone as was their physical presence, though you could see the stain on the carpet. You moved the sword to the side and sat on the edge for a long time.

Your foe was taken down. But will this crisis happen each and every year? This the new normal? Then it hits you. How much damage was done? You had taken out a large premium in home insurance - which since last year included a rider for 'Devil Dogs'. Yeah, that was a thing in more hefty packages. As you walk into your shattered kitchen you can hear a helicopter in the distance. Something - movement!

No sword nor bow?!? Then it was seen. One of the cats you had heard when this thing had begun was inside. You and the feline looking at each other, probably thinking the same thing.

'Rough night?' Meow.

"Limited Edition Horror" 2020 comes to a contagious end with a mash-up of strippers and ghouls in "Zombies Zombies Zombies".



"Zombies Zombies Zombies" was released on home video on September 9th, 2008. It was a direct-to-video title from PassionRiver.

It streeted against "How The West Was Won", "Cool Hand Luke: Deluxe Edition", "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: Season 3", "Kill Bill: Volume One" and the re-release of "Tim Burton's Sleep Hollow" (now with lenticular slipcover).

The basic edition originally came with a cardboard matted slipcover which mirrored the case's wraparound. No insert was issued.

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There was one exclusive and was web based; only available if you bought it from them online. I'm sorry, the details are sparse. I didn't keep good notes then.