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[JohnIan101]

Past Tense - Teeth Part I


[An earlier version of this PT was originally posted on October 13th, 2011 on JoBlo's "DVD, Blu-Ray & Home Theater Discussion" forum.]

Week three of "L.E. Horror" brings us a steampunk hero with a mysterious past in "Van Helsing"...



The motion picture opened on May 7th, 2004. It was made with a budget of $160,000,000 (estimated) and grossed over $120 million during its U.S. theatrical run; counting foreign receipts it made $300,257,475. The film opened number one at the box office, the following week it dropped to number two.

The feature opened against "Mean Girls", Kill Bill Vol. 2", "13 Going On 30" and "Man On Fire".

This release originally came with an embossed cardboard foil slipcover which mirrored the case's wraparound - the single disc release.

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Best Buy had the only exclusive, a bonus disc. This set streeted on October 19th, 2004 for $15.99 (eighty copies per store). The bonus came in a CD envelope inside the case. As mentioned in a previous Past Tense, I began buying/collecting DVDs in November of 2003. I was still a newbie and didn't know better.

This was passed (at the time). Why? An answer in a moment...

The exclusive has a run time of 21:11 minutes, not including "306º Tour Of Frankenstein's Foyer". The ad erroneously list the run time as "over 40 minutes". It also includes "The Art Of Van Helsing" a slideshow; galleries for Dracula, Frankenstein, Valkan Werewolf, The Brides, Van Helsing Wolf, Bats and Mr. Hyde.

There was a second offer; Target had a special too, I suppose - purchase the single disc version (full or wide) also for $15.99 and get a free 11.25 to 14 ounce bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Hershey’s chocolate, or Kit Kat bars. It came as an attached coupon on the case.

Okay back to the narrative; there were three versions; widescreen and full screen presentations. And the "Ultimate Collectors Edition" which is three disc set. I bought that at Best Buy (same street). I remember having to get two exchanges.

This collection (digipak) is beyond the movie. Two discs for the film and a third, double sided DVD which held the original classics to "Dracula" (1931), "Frankenstein" (1931) and "The Wolf Man" (1941). All three films (remastered) came with commentaries (from their "Legacy Collection" releases). "Dracula" came with the previously available documentary and a poster gallery. The third disc was all scratched up, both sides. The third time was the charm, mint.



Anyhow, I had mistakenly believed the "Ultimate" edition had all the extras, no need to buy that single disc release (with exclusive). I was wrong and I wouldn't learn about my error until years later.

Then began my off and on quest to acquire.

Man, lots of failed attempts.

It was 2011, seven years after the fact when I finally able to complete my set, found on Ebay. I have mine slipped in the "Ultimate" set.



On July 8th, 2008 the "Ultimate Collectors Edition" was re-released, in abbreviated form; now called "Collector's Edition". This has the first two discs from the UCE and originally came with a theater voucher to see the then upcoming "The Mummy 3: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor". I bought this too. Why?

The nubs on the box set are a pain, the DVDs are hard to remove - increases the risk of scratching. I bought this to freely watch the movie and extras without worry.

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Rant.

Van Helsing is a movie made for stupid kids and retarded adults.

- Atomic_Jedi

I don't get it.

All the dislike for this movie. I can recall so many people complaining about the CGI used. Really? The computer animation was made in 2003 and it still looks better than many films made today. I'M DEAD SERIOUS. Stop painting this worse than it is!

Just look at any the stuff coming from the SyFy Channel and tell me in a straight face that it still sucks... "Sharknado" (2013) or "Sharktopus" (2010) anyone???

"Van Helsing" may not have been photorealistic, but damn near close. And given what it is, that's just fine.

The most beautiful and profound emotion we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all true science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is good as dead.

- Albert Einstein

Man, there are people who absolutely hate director Stephen Sommers. You would think he made a film about a serial puppy killer who wears a duster (featuring songs by Sarah McLachlan).

What were they expecting? Some kind of life changing - moving cinema. What he does and does well is make popcorn flicks. I suppose the naysayers would be correct if Van Helsing went up against Blackula (1972) and MadTV's "Funkenstein", then again that might be fun too. *sigh* And there's a swatch of folks who did not care for his 1999 remake, "The Mummy".

I though the effects were damn good. The fur on the Wolfman reminded me of the motion of Sully's pelt in "Monsters, Inc." (2001). They were more convincing here than "Hulk" (2003), which had no weight or physicality - like the title character was just superimposed on screen. That's bad CGI.

People no longer know how to forget about their little life and let themself dragged into these movies. Today's people are so spoiled that they've become professional whiners at everything. It probably makes them look cool when they say that a movie sucks so, that's why they do it although they probably didn't understand a thing about the movie they saw.

- Riouxda

Yup, that pretty much covers it.

By the way, before I forget - have a lot to cover. The look of the title fellow is based on the "Weird Tales" magazine character, Soloman Kane - created by Robert E. Howard in the late 1920s. Which was turned into a movie, 2009 with James Purefoy as the star. A lot of folk bitch about how Kane ripped offed Van Helsing's appearance when it's the other way around.



One of the things I enjoyed was Friar Carl (David Wenham), Van Helsing's sidekick. I was expecting a buddy cop situation (key example; the craptacular heap "Judge Dredd" (1995), Sylvester Stallone and Rob Schneider characters). Not the case at all.

Carl was used to move the story along and for some comic moments. It could have gone quite badly; he's not sprouting out one-liners every time his lips move. Nicely done.

And I liked the design for the new Frankenstein monster, interesting concept. But what I particularly liked was the non cop-out. One of the main characters is killed at the end. AND there is no resurrection with Dracula's reanimation apparatus, a happy ending.

Reality based, bad things happen; thing can't always get put back together.

I loved this flick, too bad I'm in the minority. It was exactly what I wanted/expected, a fun ride.



It has a bigger than life story, a great villain, hot girls, steampunk technology and a cool protagonist. What's not to like? And Richard Roxburgh as Count Vladislaus Dracula kicked ass; one of my favorite depictions. You could tell the actor was having fun being wicked and it shows. The best villains are the ones who don't think they're are.

Frack, one of the repeated complaints is the technology - 'that didn't exist back then'. IT'S A MOVIE!

That and the name, 'it should be Abraham Van Helsing, not Gabriel'. Dude, take a step back; Abraham would be an old man when fighting Dracula, how could he perform all the action in the movie? There is a second reason, copyright. The Bram Stoker novel is now in public domain, so the studio couldn't copyright, "Abraham Van Helsing". So it became Gabriel.

Oh yeah, Vladislaus' brides were played by Josie Maran, Silvia Colloca and Elena Anaya.