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[JohnIan101]

Past Tense - Bugs, Big Bomb And Zealots Part III


Recommendations.

Five more tingles for your dark desires this holiday, next week is Halloween.

"BrainDead" (2016)
Not a movie, but a short run political horror TV series, sometimes dark comedy and sometimes gory which ran for thirteen weeks on CBS, but fizzled in the ratings, not well known. Lauren Healy is a documentary filmmaker who has fallen on hard times; she lost vital fundings. With much reluctance she agrees to work for her brother in Washington, D.C., Luke is a U.S. Senator. After a few days she witnesses various erratic behavior at the capital - too much to be random, plus a man who's head exploded. Quietly she investigates and is caught up in paranoia. Lauren uncovers a discrete alien invasion... ants. The non-terrestrial insects came to Earth within a meteorite. Earth was never their goal, just dumb luck the rock ended up here. The ants burrow into brains through ears, taking out some brain matter and situating themselves inside, filling in the missing neurons - using the overtaken bodies as their vehicles. The secret invasion now includes members of Congress and staff. Her main ally is a conspiracy theorist, Gustav Triplett who is mistrustful of people already. The intent was for a four season run - the bugs were going to take over Silicon Valley, Wall Street and Hollywood, but it wasn't going to happen so the show runners made the season finale, the series finale with just enough wiggle room should two happen. It didn't. A different take on the "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers" theme.
Paramount - 2016 - NR

"eXistenZ" (1999)
The near-future; video game designer Allegra Geller is showcasing her brand new virtual reality game - "eXistenZ". Her platform is Antenna Research. Rival game company, Cortical Systematics has been trying to acquire her software for their corporation. But a third party has entered the picture, an insurgent group, the "Realist" who are anti-VR, the deforming of reality. Geller is shot and her only copy of her work is potentially damaged. She is pulled out of the building by a marketing trainee, Ted Pikul. Unable to know unless she jacks in and him too since safety protocols could be disabled. Die in the game - die in real life. She needs a bodyguard in VR. The two get caught up in a conspiracy in and out of reality as they attempt to learn what's going on - who put a bounty on her? This is a David Cronenberg film, expect body horror; the tech here is bio-mechanical. Surreal at time and just crazy at other. It should be noted that the U.S. DVD is bare bone, the U.S. Blu-Ray has minor extras. The 1999 Canadian DVD has three commentaries, documentary and trailer, studio below.
Alliance Films - 1999 - R

"John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars" (2001)
The year is 2025; Mars has been terraformed and colonized. Police officer, Lt. Melanie Ballard and cops are sent to a remote mining outpost, "Shining Canyon". After years of crimes and murders, felon James "Desolation" Williams has been caught, locked up in the local jail. The job is to pick up and transport him by train for arraignment. When they arrive, they find a dead town - massacred. At first believing it to be the work of Desolation - only to find him and what remains of the locales locked up behind the bars, done to protect themselves... from the rest of the outpost's infected population. Days earlier, miners had found a door to a lost Martian civilization - a tomb. Not so dead, existing in spectral form, taking possession of humans. Now RAGING over these invaders. A siege at the jail; left with few resources, Ballard has no choice but allow Desolation to do his thing. An uphill battle, kill one of the infected, 'it' jump to the next nearby body and continues on. It's pretty much a sci-fi remake of Carpenter's 1976 film, "Assault On Precinct 13".
Columbia TriStar Home Entertainment - 2001 - R

"Savageland" (2015)
A horror mockumentary. The largest mass murder in American history occurred on the night of June 2nd, 2011 at Sangre de Cristo (known as 'Savageland' by locals), Arizona. The boarder town sits a few miles north of Mexico. The entire population of fifty-seven were massacred; some only existing as body fragments. The police arrest an illegal, Francisco Salazar who was found at the scene covered in blood. His trial and sentence was fast tracked to appease paranoia and hysteria around the US/Mexico border. He was scapegoated. This is a documentary after the fact; going over the evidence collected and discovering omissions - Salazar to his death said he didn't do it. On his possession was one 35mm camera. He used all thirty-six images on that roll. There's where the problem begins. There are things in those photos that should not be - things the prosecution left out. An unknown force swept over Sangre de Cristo, killing all those in its path. There is no resolution, just the knowledge, that 'evil' does exist... and WILL happen again. It's a slow burn to the reveal which was right in front of you the whole time.
MVD Visual - 2018 - NR

"VWF" (2019)
An homage to John Carpenter's "Assault On Precinct 13" (1976) complete with a synthwave driven score; feels like watching an ultra-violent comic book movie, hues in neon reds and blues. A new narcotic has taken over the American drug scene, 'Hype' - highly addictive, zapping users of their identity. Local drug lord, "Boz" has his inventory stolen by a young woman "Lizard" - retaliation for the death of her sister. Unknown to her, Boz is suppose to bring his goods for sale - a deal that comes together at dawn. Lizard flees the drug den to the nearest location open... the VWF (Veterans of Foreign Wars) bar across the street. The men are celebrating the birthday of the bar owner, Fred Parras. What follows is a slice of Hell, the tavern is relentlessly attacked by the addicts as well as Boz's enforcers and his henchwoman "Gutter". The movie is memorable for its practical effects and 1980s action actors, kicking ass. Outstanding chemistry and horror as each attack wave gets more intense. Boz WANTS his stash back, badly. On DVD and BD.
RLJE Entertainment, Inc. - 2020 - NR

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Just Because.



Is it just me or does Jolene Blalock has a Raquel Welch vibe going on here? The image feels like an homage to "One Million Years B.C." (1966). I don't think I'm imagining it. Right?

One more corner to be turned as you flee from blood thirsty brute. One more ordeal before the dawn. Have it in you to come back next Thursday?

[JohnIan101]

Past Tense - Things Which Do Not Mix - Exotic Dancers And The Undead Part I


A brand new entry!

The darkness was quite zen, there was no telling how much time had actually elapsed. You had fallen asleep where you laid on the attic floor. Your old girlfriends pretty much said the same things. 1) You were a hard sleeper. You had in fact had slept through a minor earthquake some years back. 2) You are a quiet one, no snoring which was a benefit they enjoyed on sleep overs. You smiled at that thought.

The only reason you were roused was the crashing of something damn heavy, like a huge cabinet BELOW you. That gave you the jolted you needed to become lucid once more. But had enough fortitude to remain silent and unmoved. You had the Conan sword replica resting on your chest, like this was some kind of Viking funeral. The arrows and bow to your side. Heart now racing as you can hear the chupacabras sniffing out the last of the peanut butter decoys.

Turns out they were systematically taking them out by 'marking their territory' on the area which nulled the odor with their own. Like a soldier marking which enemy homes had been searched - scratched off their list. They had gone through the house; room by room and marking it as empty of you. Not sleepy now, you are terrified - they're not dumb beasts. They are operating on a plan; seek and destroy. You lay silent and think about the devil dogs in the panic room. Did they get out or still there, like flys caught in one of those fly jar traps?

That's when you hear one of the dogs growling what appeared to be orders. This was different, slower like it was walking with a limp. Was it THAT beast? Did it get out? BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! They're finished with the rooms. No more decoys - only one spot left unexplored. They were jumping up, attempting to crack the door open. You remain silent as each crash bounces off the attic door. Scared but not foolish. If you moved - at this range they will hear you and intensify their bombardments, breaking in swiftly.

This is how I die? You thought to yourself; not as an elderly man married for decades to some hot piece and grew old together. Get mauled into bloody bit by trans-dimensional canines? This sucks! So much preparations for nothing. More crashes, not sure how long that golf club will hold or how long the wooden frame will stay in one piece. Blinks and tears as you can hear a new sound... a crack. The wood is failing. Yeah. You're still alive. You're still alive because of all the preparations taken. Probably the only person in miles still alive this long. Thinking for a moment, all this crap DID buy you time - maybe hours.

Before you took your lay, you had enough smarts to have feet first towards the door - so you could have some tactical advantage, though minor. All you had to do is sit up and shoot those arrows like there's no tomorrow... aim be true. But not sitting up now. Has to be to your convenience, let this spot be an unknown to them even for a few more seconds or else they'll go ravenous and multi-dogs crashing into the attic. You ever so quitely pulled the arrows and bow onto your chest. Letting the sword ever so slightly fall down, you legs together so the metal does not hit the floor.

The first arrow on the bow; ready to be pulled and released. You close your eyes, doing your best to control your breathing. "The tragedy of this severed notion, looming red tonight. The clawed infatuation, this tattered nowhere man" - that was random; lyrics from the song "There Will Be Blood" came out of ether.

In the din of getting ready to meet your fate you had not seen the attic vents, some light was starting to shine through. Part of the sunlight hit the the top part of the bow - that's when you took notice. It's morning! It's MORNING. In a few moments that infernal horn should be blowing, calling these monsters back. Please hold on, door. Only maybe a minute more. A minute more.

No such luck.

The door burst open, but no dogs. It had come back down, biting on the steps, pulling the assembly down. How did they know how to do that? In the crashing noise, you sit up using the clamor to mask any sounds you could have made. Pulling your legs inward, the metal sword now touching the floor. Sounds you made which went unnoticed. You can hear creaks as one of the mutts is rising up.

Bow pulled, holding. The second its head popped up over the edge - you released. It didn't have time to register you. No yelp. It just went limp, arrow right in the eye. It slumped for a second and fell down the stairs. A second later the next arrow was ready. There was quiet, like the eye of a hurricane, that brief calm... then the sound that came was terrifying. A bark and growl combined as two of them had rushed upwards.

You had shot the next arrow into the noise, killing the chupacabra creature instantly. Dumb luck the two dogs were trying to enter at the same time. The next quiver sent a moment later killed the other devil dog. You blinked as you saw two dead beast at the door - plugging up the entry. Did you just bottleneck the attic? You can hear the other dogs actually biting and attempting to pull the dead dogs apart, the stench of disembodiment was strong. They really wanted in, badly.

More jumps and bites. You can see the corpses shifting left and right, but still were firm in place for an instant further, then both fell down with a profound splatter, probably hitting upon the rest of their pulled innards.

You heard another coming up, not quick, labored - it was barking at the other dogs. As if to say 'this is mine'. Can this work again? The sword was on the floor pointing at the entry. The creature's head surfaced, mouth drooling and bit your leg, no time to react. The beast was motivated - it missed your flesh by centimeters. But knocked you off your balance, it was trying to pull you down by your pants. Making you toss your bow a distance from you.

You give it some solid kicks, screaming at it. But its glowing eyes had only one intent and an ever so slight grin as it tried to pull you down once more. You can hear the other dogs downstares yapping and howling. One of them was jumping up and hitting where you making your final stand, trying to make it more nightmarish. BOOM! BOOM! You can hear the wood below you starting to buckle. More kicks and shouts. Then came the horn.

The long beat, air raid siren boom.

Dawn is here.

The dog's eyes had widened; time to go. You took the mega sound as your opportunity to kick with great emphasis, the hilt of that replica - sending the sword into the dog's head. Crunch! It hit into the face and out the back of it's monstrous head. The dogs below had all stopped their efforts and fled your home back to whatever Hell they came from. You could literally see the light fade in its eyes. No breaking contact... 'I beat you'.

There was no cinema style death scene; bioluminescence turned off like an old fashioned TV set. You sat there for a moment staring at your deed, your pants still in its clenched jaw. Now what?

As if right on cue, the dog was moving which startled you. Then you saw real action. It was turning into dust, the proceedings happening quicker with each passing second till the head could no longer be held in place by the sword. It broke into two and both fell down. And just like that it was over.

You were nervous and crawled on all fours towards the opening. Looking down, you saw what ever so remained of the shape fade into oblivion. Then gone. Even the smell of those open intestine were gone as was their physical presence, though you could see the stain on the carpet. You moved the sword to the side and sat on the edge for a long time.

Your foe was taken down. But will this crisis happen each and every year? This the new normal? Then it hits you. How much damage was done? You had taken out a large premium in home insurance - which since last year included a rider for 'Devil Dogs'. Yeah, that was a thing in more hefty packages. As you walk into your shattered kitchen you can hear a helicopter in the distance. Something - movement!

No sword nor bow?!? Then it was seen. One of the cats you had heard when this thing had begun was inside. You and the feline looking at each other, probably thinking the same thing.

'Rough night?' Meow.

"Limited Edition Horror" 2020 comes to a contagious end with a mash-up of strippers and ghouls in "Zombies Zombies Zombies".



"Zombies Zombies Zombies" was released on home video on September 9th, 2008. It was a direct-to-video title from PassionRiver.

It streeted against "How The West Was Won", "Cool Hand Luke: Deluxe Edition", "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: Season 3", "Kill Bill: Volume One" and the re-release of "Tim Burton's Sleep Hollow" (now with lenticular slipcover).

The basic edition originally came with a cardboard matted slipcover which mirrored the case's wraparound. No insert was issued.

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There was one exclusive and was web based; only available if you bought it from them online. I'm sorry, the details are sparse. I didn't keep good notes then.