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[JohnIan101]

Past Tense


[An earlier version of this PT was originally posted on January 12th, 2012 on JoBlo's "DVD, Blu-Ray & Home Theater Discussion" forum.]

This week we try to stop a plague and jump off a tower (in a wing suit) thanks to Lady Lara Croft in "Tomb Raider: Cradle Of Life"...



The motion picture opened on July 25th, 2003 with a budget of $90,000,000 (estimated) and grossed over $156 million during its U.S. theatrical run. The film opened number four at the box office, the following week it dropped to number six.

The feature opened against "The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen", "Finding Nemo", "Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines" and "Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl".

This release originally came with a double sided single sheet insert. One side is the chapter listing, twenty-six of them; the other is promo picture.

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There was one exclusive to be had and it was from Best Buy.

On street, November 18th, 2003, they sold it as a two disc set for $15.99. The bonus disc came in a CD envelope. Sorry no screen snap, there is no menu screen, it just plays.

Sorry, I don't have an image of the weekly ad - predates my archive.

The bonus is a single featurette (full screen), "Tomb Raider: The Secrets Of Lara Croft". It has a run time of 12:08 minutes.

This came out when I started my DVD collection and I was quite the babe when it came to store exclusives. So I did not pick this up when it hit stores. It wasn't until 2010 that I finally made mine complete thanks to Ebay.

The movie disc was scratched, but the bonus was mint, which was cool since I already owned the DVD - mint. Both are now inside two disc case. *nods*

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Rant.



This was a decent action flick, but feels somewhat flat compared to the previous, "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" (2001).

That's a pre-famous Gerard Butler as Terry Sheridan by the way with product placement.

The motive in the first film was over the top, but made sense. The control of time itself. To be like a God. Yeah, okay. I can see that. Manfred Powell (Iain Glen) had a Bond villain purpose.

But here, Jonathan Reiss (Ciarán Hinds) reason for the quest seems lukewarm - just because. Yes, he's a bio-terrorist, but really?

There has got to be way easier methods than spending... a lot in search of a mystical container, Pandora's Box. The key to this find is a transparent golden sphere which looks like one of those inflatable toy balls you find at Wal-Mart, the bouncy kind. Not joking. It looked cheap.

As I wrote this was decent; it did its job and left without much fuss. But it's just above disposable. And it shouldn't be that. The first one was silly as hell, but it lingers with some great imagery. This is kinda generic.

And ultimately what was the sphere all about other than a key? Sure they wanted to be different, but feels too cumbersome. A pocket sized amulet would've done the trick too.

Thinking about it; this kind resembles a big budget TV movie, it lacked... the oomph the first had.

The blame (at least by Paramount) for the lackluster box office is due to "Tomb Raider: The Angel Of Darkness" video game (from Eidos Interactive) which had come out months before the sequel. It had serious problems with glitches and poor visuals. Lots of negative reviews.

There was plans for a third film; "Cradle Of Life" did well enough, but Jolie didn't want to reprise her role.

I just don't feel like I need to do another one. I felt really happy with the last one. It was one we really wanted to do.

- Jolie talking to World Entertainment News Network in March of 2004

And so the movie franchise died.

Oh well.

It's part of my DVD collection.

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Footnotes.

You know what sucks?

What sucks is "Revisioned: Tomb Raider Animated Series" has never been released on DVD. It was only available online from GameTap (an internet game service) and only for four months then gone - poof into oblivion.



In total ten episodes were produced; these were shorts with run times of about six or so minutes each. The animation was done by different artists from Peter Chung, David Álvarez, Cully Hamner, Ivan Reis, Louie del Carmen, Jim Lee and Six Point Harness. This was season one.

Man, those are some pointy breasts.

Actress Minnie Driver did the voice of Lara Croft. That promo image is by Chung, the creator of "Ĉon Flux" - a previous Past Tense.

Some of them can found on YouTube, but only a few. I can hope that these will come out when the new Croft movie comes out (another is in the works without Jolie).

I've seen a couple episodes, they were sway.

Sure. This new film will be a reboot, not a sequel. Norwegian director Roar Uthaug has been signed with Geneva Robertson-Dworet doing the screenplay; he co-wrote "Transformers 5" (comes out in 2017), not sure if that's a good or bad thing?



No word yet who will be the new Lady Croft.

Something that popped in my mind while looking at that above pix.

She looks a lot like Olivia Wilde.

Hmmm. I wonder...

Nah.

If you wanted to know; Jolie was twenty-five when she made the first film, Wilde is thirty now.

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Some additional info. Above are the DVDs.

This has gotten a R1 release twice over. As mentioned at the start, the first came out in 2003 (left), it was re-released with a new cover (minus insert) on April 13th, 2007 (same disc contents).

Why? Don't have an answer, it's not like the '03 DVD was out of print.

The same thing happened for the first film too, a new cover with a similar color scheme.

I ended up getting a two disc transparent case; the old wraparound on the inside and the newer one out. The best of both worlds.

Sure, there was a two disc set of both movies also released on that same street, "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider Collection". Same extras as the first pressing.

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Above is a production still and an image of the corresponding action figure, "Lara Croft In Wetsuit".

Can you tell what's different?

While you ponder that, I'll give some specs...

The action figure was released in 2003 from Sota Toys & Collectibles.



It features twenty points of articulation and four accessories. I don't own this. But I should, the sculpt job was excellent, looks like her.

The same can NOT be said for Kate Beckinsale; her figure (Mezco Toyz) for Selene from "Underworld" (2003); looks nothing like her. It's more akin to a tranny. Google it if you dare.

Anyhow, it's one of those conundrums like with Pilot (Jessica Steen) from "Captain Power And The Soldiers Of The Future" (1987). I would say Ms. Steen is B a cup. But when her character, Corp. Jennifer 'Pilot' Chase powers up, her chest armor turns into a D. Hmmm, what's going on under there? I suppose we will never know. Food for thought.

Speaking of breasts... *smile*

Notice something else? Yes, I see nips, but where do you NOT see them?

That poster.

Angelina Jolie's nipples were removed because the producers feared it would be offensive to some and ignite a string of complaints.

I wanted my nipples to be there to see.

- Jolie on the subject



Speaking of which; why are her breasts smaller in the second film than the first? Two answers.

First is from the studio. Jolie wore a padded bra to pump up her cleavage and bounce in the first movie. For "Cradle Of Life" she wore a lesser bra, making her curves more grounded in reality.

The second is from the actress herself...

Last time I took too much protein powder. That gave me lots of curves. This time I ate normally and therefore Lara is slimmer and sexier.

- Jolie



Who's correct? Perhaps a bit of both. As for the poster nipple removal, I think it would've made for a sexier print ad. But then again there are people who are offended by nips on mannequins. *head shakes*

Uptight people are ruining it for everybody else.

[deep sigh]

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Just Because.



A photo of a teenage Angelina Jolie taken when she was sixteen; surfaced in 2008. Remember, she's sixteen so - don't be thinking that. She's sixteen.

Sixteen.

Oh noes, I just saw the gap.

And with that I'll close this PT. And don't for get to check up my Night Of The Living Dead DVD Retrospective, a new entry.

Come back here on January 21st, 2016 for a slice of c-o-n-spiracy. The ASA wants you!