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Past Tense - Thunder Volt Part II


Rant.

Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience that progress has been made, through disobedience and through rebellion.

- Oscar Wilde

Think of this movie, made for someone suffering from A.D.D. but played with smarts. Or perhaps, a live action "Grand Theft Auto". Well that and a re-imagining of "D.O.A." (1988), the remake and/or original 1950 if you want.

It did well enough to spawn a sequel: "Crank 2: High Voltage" (2009). Which made the first feel a bit sedate and that's amazing!



Neveldine spoke about a third entry recently, it's expected to happen (filming) next year. Fabulous!

Okay. What the frack is THIS about?

The film centers on professional hitman, Chev Chelios (Jason Statham). He awaken messed up, as if with a bad hang over... it's not.

His hit backfires, not in that way. It's political mob pressure; to save face with the Chinese mafia, his boss (Carlos Sanz) orders Chelios killed. That night, long time rival, Ricky Verona (Jose Pablo Cantillo) injects him with the "Beijing Cocktail".

Chelios is dying. The exotic poison will snuff him by the end of the day; mentally suffer, knowing he's fading away. Bad, bad, bad idea!

Still in the dark, Chelios goes to see his (mob) doctor played by Dwight Yoakam, Doc Miles. 'You're dead. But there is a slim chance, quite slim that you might live through this. There is an antidote.'

'This posion is slowing your heart, you gotta keep it pumping with adrenaline or epinephrine.' Not sure if this will happen, cured - he opts for old fashion revenge on those who murdered him. A single day to do it.

From that point it's practically non-stop, so over the top into cartoon territory. He has to keep his heart pumping with insane, reckless acts. That wasn't a simple statement, I meant it!



Bat$hit crazy to stay alive.

I remember watching this over at a friend's house. Jaws dropping and laughing like little kids, fried gold.

There's a point when Chelios is trying to understand what's being said in Chinese so he ends up reads the onscreen subtitles.

Quite surreal.



A good example is having public sex with his stripper girlfriend, Eve (Amy Smart) out in the open - on the street in Chinatown with everyone watching including a bus full of Japanese school girl tourists. *tee hee*

Or getting into a random fist fight with other gangsters. Or getting a police pursuit and evading shoppers while going through a mall in his car; shades of "The Blues Brothers" (1980).

With all this excessiveness it is his flamboyant gay friend, Kaylo (Efren Ramirez) who steals the show. Never explained why they're friends. Kaylo is a nightclub/party glam boy, complete with pink feathered boa.

He's comic relief, but not in a derogatory way.

Kaylo moves the story and is a loyal sidekick, a good friend.



The conclusion is like a video game, in fact it goes into 8-bit graphics, kid you not. So many are killed by Chelios as he reaches his boss' high-rise home; climaxing in a helicopter fist fight. The ending is somewhat ambiguous. Did he die?

Well there's a sequel, so no.

Something I discovered while reseaching, Statham did most of his own stunts - including the areal fight with co-star Jose Pablo Cantillo (as Ricky Verona) in the chopper. That's pretty amazing.

If you like action movies, there is ZERO reasons why you shouldn't see it. In fact, you should have already.

Man, it was so sway how they brought back Kaylo for "High Voltage", he has a twin gay brother, Venus - with tourettes and knows the martial arts. Such an incredible combo! Laughed so hard at that.

As you can imagine, these movies are on the opposite side of political correctness. As it should be.

One bit of warning, full of shaky cam.

- - - - - - - - - -

Footnotes.

The DVD and BD offers a neat special feature, "Family Friendly" audio. A redub, removing the harsh language with silly crap. The video is the same; gore, nudity and intense action.

The store exclusives are part of the Blu-Ray version which has three additional featurettes, "Pushing Crank", "The Stunts Of Crank" and "Shooting Crank". Too bad that's not DVD, it bugs me.

There is a sway fan made trailer (directed, written and edited by Ben Begley) where El Grincho (yes, now he's a Latino; played by Alex Abbott) has taken Chelios' 'Christmas spirit' by stealing his decorated tree.

Go to YouTube, type in "Crank 3 Trailer Merry Cranksmas" in search. Or if you know how, "3UbZFdegGlQ". It's still there (as of writing), checked. Uploaded on December 24th, 2009 by DinghisKhanComedy.

Doc Miles (Jesse McIntosh) is reasonably sure he can restore his spirit, if he can find his tree in... one hour. Until then Chev (Begley) has to keep jolly and Christmasy. It was more cute than comical, though the Kaylo (Andy Harris) moment was funny.

Renee Dorian plays Eve.

There is even a porno parody, "Cranked" from Bluebird Films (2010), directed by Marc Twain. Sorry, not gonna post the cover - has nudity.

Paige has hours to live. Doc Love tells her she can stay alive longer if she keeps her heart pounding and adrenaline rushing. Paige rungs, fights, and ****s her way across seedy Los Angeles to stay alive long enough to exact revenge on Chilli Manilli.

- DVD back cover

Don't own it, kinda curious; stars Anna Lovato as Paige and Dylan Ryder as Chilli Manilli. Co-stars Bridgette B., Georgia Jones, Paige Ashley, Riley Evans, Sunny Lane, Tommie Jo and Verena.

That's all the action for you get. Come back her next Thursday (September 24th, 2015) for a two parter about special lady with a special secret. And no.

There isn't a "Crying Game" surprise.

Dude, why did you go there?