Past Tense - Things Which Do Not Mix - Exotic Dancers And The Undead Part III


Footnotes.

This wasn't the last time the concept of strippers fighting the undead was used - though Z3 did it far better than this example.



On May 17th, 2011 was released "Stripperland" for $19.95; an unfunny and cheap looking parody of "Zombieland" (2009). Trust me on this - just avoid. It's crap on a cracker. Poor effect, poor acting and weak acting - mixed with poor casting. It's garbage.

I have not seen "Zombie Strippers" (2008), pretty much noted for starring former adult video starlet Jenna Jameson. It is on DVD twice over with an unrated version. The concept sounds asinine - dystopia future, strippers want to be turned into zombies because being undead got them more money.

If they're undead why do they want money?

No desire to see it.

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Void.



Feels like the right time to chat about this. A different kind of undead and a lost opportunity.

I'm talking about "Mary Shelley's Frankenstein" (1994).

This is about Victor's mentor, Professor Waldman played by John Cleese. I did not recognize the actor comedian. He should've done more serious parts.



There is an undisclosed history about the man. He made something amazing and truly regretted it - only hinted and teased in the movie.

Pulled out my DVD and transcribed a few scenes (not simply typing the subtitles, often they don't match). A slight step back; Kenneth Branagh was Victor Frankenstein and Tom Hulce played his school mate, Henry Clerval.

The first scene; friends walk from medical class.

Victor Frankenstein: Who what that? He was at the lecture.

Henry Clerval: That's Waldman.

Victor Frankenstein: Ahhh, that's Waldman.

Henry Clerval: Yes, interesting case. They say in his youth he could break into heaven and lecture God on science. Ran into trouble with the authorities a few years back. Something to do with illegal experiments.

Victor Frankenstein: What kind of experiments, I wonder.

- - -

Later Victor and Henry dine at Waldman's home and discuss creating life.

Victor: How close did you get Professor?

Waldman: Too close.

Victor: Professor, I beg you, let me see these notes.

Waldman: No. My work and it's applications lies exclusively in the preservation of life. I abandoned my other researches many years ago.

Victor: Why???

Waldman: Because they resulted in abomination.

- - -

And lastly, Victor sneaks into Waldman's home (after the Professor was murdered; giving ad at the hospital) and reads from elder seeker's papers.

Victor: My God, you were so close. Of course, the power! The materials were wrong. You needed auxiliary sources. Yes, the experiment. A failure? "Resulting reanimant... malformed and hideous to behold. This factor dependent on the appropriate raw materials." ...raw materials.



The scene has Victor findings a sketch of the earlier "abomination" (above). It looks like perhaps two people were stitched together. I say that since the cranium is open, perhaps Waldman used someone else's brain inside. Was it skinless?

This would make a great feature, the earlier tale - beta creature. Waldman may have stumbled on the method of creating life; his reanimant like Frankenstein's got out (perhaps it took lives and was decomposing); he tracked it down - killing it. But unlike the later student, he was wise enough to stop; not be overpowered by obsession.

I never saw Victor as mad. I believed him to be dangerously sane and focused - and that's what is so terrifying about him. He's ruthless and applied more than insane, in the same way I would imagine Hitler was.
- Kenneth Branagh



The thing that continues to bugs me to this day is the bride. Victor is underway to reanimated his dead wife (Helena Bonham Carter), we see Henry screaming "NOOOO!!!" on the stairs of Frankenstein's home. That's it.

It's a cool looking shot, but what happened to him? Did he run off and survive subsequent fire? No clue, from that point on he's out of the movie. And no mention of his fate later. There really should be a director's cut. But probably won't happen, ever.

The film was directed and acted by Branagh with Francis Ford Coppola producing (directed "Bram Stoker's Dracula" [1992]). So bad was the experience, Coppola didn't do any more gothic horror.

Man, they head-butt frequently and hated working with each other.

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Recommendation.

Halloween is two days away. It's probably too late to get this flick, a physical copy. Could be at a video rental shop if it hasn't been rented out. You have the previous suggestions to consider. Me? I'm doing what has become a Halloween tradition for the past few years. Will be watching "Dawn Of The Dead: Extended Mall Hours" bootleg (mixes all the cuts into one), a past LEH recommendation. Have one more title.

"Ready Or Not" (2019)
Grace did it for genuine love - her fiancé, Alex Le Domas. She gets married into a wealthy family. The ceremony is all she dreamt of, memories to be had. But her new in-laws have a tradition, a game for each new bride or groom. A random selection by Grace from a family heirloom box, generations old. Sounds innocent enough, but the stakes are high - their life. The family gained their long standing fortune from a supernatural source, blood sacrifices. This is unknown to her; Grace pulls out a 'hide and seek' card. From midnight to dawn the game must be played, don't get found or be killed. Not a joke. The family minus Alex will spend those hours trying to find the bride to murder her. Should she survive, she will be welcome to the clan, riches and all. Grace can use anything in the mansion as weapons. But her in-laws are fully armed and want her snuffed; partly because of their ritual and partly because they think she's a gold digger. The results are disastrous for all. Actress Samara Weaving is quickly rising to be a 21st century Scream Queen. Available on both DVD and BD.
20th Century Fox Home Entertainment - 2019 - R

And there you have it. The final "Limited Edition Horror", could be quite accurate. I only have so many horror theme exclusives, don't know if I can do it again next October. But that could change. *shrugs* I think I said that last year too. And here we are.



By the way in Japan and Germany this entry was known as "Strippers Vs. Zombies". Sorry about the poor res, but that was the best I could find. Gets the job done, but could be so much better. Oh well.

Come back here on November 12th for a super hero who is faster than a speeding locomotive. Who could that be?