Past Tense - (DO Fear) The Reaper Part I


[An earlier version of this PT was originally posted on August 1st, 2013 on JoBlo's "DVD, Blu-Ray & Home Theater Discussion" forum.]

The stupid choice would be hiding in a death trap; closet, bathroom, pantry or even back in the attic. This is your advantage - your adolescent exposure to a litany of horror flicks (good ones and crappy tales). You fled from the devil dogs, getting a good head start as they pulled away the bars from the living room window. You ran into the den with sliding doors that can be locked. Inside, years ago, back when eBay was relatively new, you had bought a replica of Conan's big a$$ sword. Not aluminum on a wooden stock, this was friggin steel on a well crafted hilt, not a toy, not in any imagination. The prize you wanted, hanging on the wall once you got your first promotion. Which wasn't much of a pay rise, but you took pride in the accomplishment. This has serious weight - by Crom, you have a weapon. This is the moment you will tell your grand kids, the moment when in trembling terror, you still had still hindsight. Before turning the corner, before even dashing out - going this direction into the room; you had an epiphany. Dogs! Devil Dogs. Dogs hunt by scent - give them something to go after while you prepare. You had taken as made your hasty bolt, a jar of peanut butter and a nearly empty paper towel roll. You had stuck the tube in, giving it a hard swirl, tossing the thing into a different room down the hall. The last thing you saw before you had shut that door was seeing the drenched roll sticking on the wall. Let them think someone is trying to hid from them in that room. Sword in hand, you crouch down behind your recliner. They're inside, you can hear their enthusiastic breaths as they creep into the desired direction. Heart beating briskly, but you're controlling your breath, slow and deliberate. Show time is coming.

Bruised, dirty with some streaks of blood, but sill hanging on - week four of "Limited Edition Horror" 2019. So much here, this is a three parter! Man, they had it wrong, so very wrong, ''; this outing we get caught on Death's cross hairs in "The Final Destination [4]"...



The motion picture opened on August 28th, 2009. It was made with a budget of $43,000,000 (estimated) and grossed over 66 million during its U.S. theatrical run. The film opened number one at the box office, the following week it held its position.

The feature opened against "Halloween II", "District 9", "Inglourious Basterds" and "G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra".

This release originally came with a lenticular cardboard slipcover, slightly different from the case's wraparound. The slipcover reads "...In 3D - Includes 2-D Version". It came with two inserts; two pairs of red/blue 3D glasses (cardboard; glasses in a wrapper - mine are still sealed) and a sheet, instructions for the digital copy. It expired on June 4th, 2010.

The wraparound gives no indication that the film is presented in two editions; the disc is double sided. There is a reason, the initial pressing is a limited edition as announced on the sticker on the wrapping, "Includes 2 Pairs Of 3-D Glasses! Limited Time Only".

The later more common DVD release is single sided, 2D version.

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Man this movie upset me; every Hell was out of place. Oh boy!



There was a single exclusive from Target, this set streeted on January 5th, 2010 and sold for $16.99. The store offered a mini twenty-eight page comic book. It fits under the slipcover.

"Final Destination: Spring Break Cancun" told the story of a girl named Carly who's goes to Mexico for spring break and to celebrate her birthday with six friends. Her premonition is seeing the hotel's restaurant blow up from a gas leak during her birthday party. History is repeating, Carly blows her candles and lets her wish be known - she wants them to leave the hotel.

They walk across the street, a bit confused and witness the explosion.

The end or rather the end of issue one (with the friends deciding to stay in Mexico for their vacation, Carly is concerned). This was a five part mini-series. I hate when that happens, incomplete. This is not a self-contained story like the comic exclusive Circuit City had for "Final Destination 3" (previous Past Tense entry from Limited Edition Horror 2015, click here.

This wasn't so much an exclusive than it was a freebie, which I didn't know at the time.



That comic was published by Zenescope Entertainment back in 2006, issue one (written by Mike Kalvoda, art by Lan Medina). A graphic novel collecting all the issues was released the following year (cover seen above).

Odder still is that trade paperback included a bonus story, which is the above mentioned exclusive comic for "Final Destination 3".

The comic book mini-series and graphic novel is named "Final Destination: Spring Break". Don't ask to explain, I can't.



I do not own the rest of the comic series. But I will say that the cover for issue four is quite nice. That would make a great poster for the inevitable FD6, I welcome it. I really enjoyed part five. Part six hasn't been green lit, but you know it will. As for four... oh man.

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Rant.

*long deep sigh*

Part four feels like the filmmakers had a general idea of what the franchise is and slapped together a script accordingly - disregarding the rules and fans.



See that pix? That's how I felt watching it. My heart sank. What happened? I'm not just talking about being screwed out of extras which went to Blu-Ray (I'll get into that in a few).

The catastrophe this time around is a car race. A screwdriver gets thrown in the raceway causing a massive accident. That's okay, echoes of the second film, the pileup. Lots of people get killed. College student Nick O'Bannon (Bobby Campo) has the premonition which saves his friends and the people around them. Death circles back, offing the survivors.

The MAJOR problem is the way the deaths occur. The whole idea is the domino effect. One little thing leads to another one which leads to a bigger event. Better known as a Rube Goldberg. This cause and effect is in very short supply. It's like Death said, 'frack it' and directly causes the big event. That's lazy story telling.

My other point of contention is collateral damage, lots of it! The Reaper is trying to kill these survivors - just them, not others who's time isn't up. This simple fact is missing here, crapping on franchise canon.

It's suppose to be surgical precision. The death of those targeted characters here take a **** load of unmarked souls.



There's a scene were Janet (Haley Webb) and her friend Lori (Shantel VanSanten) are watching a movie at their local mall's theater. Death plots to kill them by causing gigantic explosion in the adjacent room. And does (before Nick gets a second vision).

That's not how it works.

The Reaper killed everybody in the audience just to get Janet and Lori. What the hell!!! By the way, Webb (brunette, above) looks a lot like actress Rachel Bilson. *nods* Could be sisters.

Anyhow, Lori escapes and the scene on the damaged escalator happens.



She falls to her doom to the exposed machine gears below. She the last person; everybody on the escalator dies! Either crushed into the machinery for fall aside as people rush away from the theater explosion. I couldn't believe it, the unrelated fatalities is massive. You guys broke the rule!

It goes it goes further in the alternate ending. Still at the mall, after the explosion; Nick has an epiphany, off himself - break the chain. So the guy jump out a widow, killing himself. A little while later Lori and Janet embrace, believing Nick save them. Nope. A car hits a nearby crane which was hoisting up a large A/C unit for the shopping center. The air condition falls, crushing the final Speedway survivors.

This breaks canon too. You can not succeed in your suicidal attempt unless you're the next to die (in particular order). Nick's time was literally not up yet. Furthermore, those not next to die have effectively - limited immortality. They can't die (no matter what they do or others do to them), until their number comes up in the chain. That's the rule establish in the three previous movies and reinstated in part five (which I'm glad).

Sure, you can argue that the alternate ending it wasn't in the movie, don't worry about it. The fact is - they filmed it, that ending without concern for the rule, that's important.